How to inspire others

How to Inspire People to Do What You Want Without Abandoning Your Ethics

by Adam Dachis, at adachis@lifehacker.com

Manipulation is generally a bad skill to use to get what you want, but sometimes it’s justifiable when you have a noble cause. Perhaps you’re trying to get someone to live a healthier lifestyle or enjoy an activity with you. When other tactics fail you and it’s time to resort to a little manipulative behavior, here are some tricks you can use to get what you want without being completely abandoning your ethics.

Title image remixed from originals by Lorelyn Medina (Shutterstock).

Nobody enjoys being tricked, so you don’t want to use anything you learn in this post for evil purposes. Most of what we’re going to discuss is simply a matter of creating a scenario where it’s more likely that whoever you’re trying to manipulate will be happier and enjoy themselves more. This isn’t about simply getting what you want, but creating a positive experience for the manipulator and the manipulatee. Rather than dive into many possible situations, we’re just going to use one scenario as an example: getting a friend (or whomever) to join you on an activity and have a good time. That said, these same tricks can be repurposed for other situations as well. We just want to keep it simple. All you need to follow are two steps.

Step One: Convince Your Friend to Do the Thing They Don’t Want to Do

It’s nice when you have someone with whom you can share an activity. The problem is, you may love interpretive sculpting but will have a hard time selling your friends on the joy it can provide. Fortunately, most people can come around under the right circumstances. You probably thought you’d absolutely hate the butt pinching festival last Spring but, as things turned out, you’re going back for the fifth time with hopes of taking home a blue ribbon. In all seriousness, what we end up liking is often a matter of circumstance. If you want your friend to partake in something you enjoy, they’ll be more likely to join in under the right conditions.

First things first, you have to get your friend to go with you. Rather than trying to convince them that they’ll want to join you, as that will cause them to naturally come up with counterarguments, ask them to join you as a favor. As Ben Franklin discovered and David McRaney, of the blog You Are Not So Smart, highlighted, doing something nice for another person can get you to like them more (rather than the other way around):

[Ben] Franklin set out to turn [a] hater into a fan, but he wanted to do it without “paying any servile respect to him.” Franklin’s reputation as a book collector and library founder gave him a reputation as a man of discerning literary tastes, so Franklin sent a letter to the hater asking if he could borrow a selection from the his library, one which was a “very scarce and curious book.” The rival, flattered, sent it right away. Franklin sent it back a week later with a thank you note. Mission accomplished.

This works because although we think that we do nice things for people because we like them, our brains tend to process things the other way around. The reality is that we tend to like someone because we did something nice for them. If your friend sees this activity as a favor, they’ll feel better about you than they will if you’re trying to drag them along.

Step Two: Make Your Friend Have Fun

How can you ensure your friend will enjoy the activity? You can’t, but you can increase the odds. Let’s take a look at a few ways you can do just that.

Handle Challenges Together

First, it can help if there’s anything remotely challenging about that activity. If there is, do it with them and it can become a bonding experience. Even if they didn’t enjoy the activity, they’ll look back on it fondly, later, because it brought you both closer together.

Choose a Familiar and Comfortable Environment

It can help if the activity will surround the person with familiar things and the kinds of people they like. While we like to believe we’re open to new possibilities and respect the differences in others, we really don’t. If you want to get someone to like something different, it helps if you can make them feel comfortable in as many other ways as possible.

Photo by genvessel.

Boost Your Friend’s Mood

Finally, get them in a good mood beforehand. This may seem difficult, especially if the person in question is an awful and negative person that you’ve somehow managed to love, but it’s easier than you think. As noted in our brain hacking guide, there are a few simple ways to prime a person’s brain to have the right attitude for a given situation. While there are little things you can do like reciting a list of positive words, that’s kind of a weird thing to do in the company of others. Instead, you can use your enthusiasm to put them in a better mindset. Making them laugh is one of the best options, but if you’re not naturally funny and afraid to break out the tickler, frequent smiling can do the trick. Next time you see someone smile, notice how you’re probably smiling in return. It’s hard not to mirror happy expressions because it often happens without our full awareness. Little things like smiling and humor can go a long way, even when they’re completely unrelated to the given activity.

Reward Your Friend’s Competency with Compliments

And don’t forget the compliments. If the given activity requires your tag-a-long activity buddy to do or create anything, let them know you think they’re doing a great job once they’ve finished. People tend to like things more when their efforts are rewarded in ways that highlight their competence. You don’t want to outright lie, but something like “wow, you’re picking this up quicker than I expected” can make a big difference in your friend’s perception of the activity.

How to make New Year Resolutions work

Following is an article from my friend Richard Tan, CEO of Success Resources which echos my sentiments about New Year Resolutions and reaching your goals and dreams:

On the 1st day of 2012, I received the following emails about starting the New Year right. As usual, these were some of the tips offered:

1. Drink less alcohol
2. Eat healthier food
3. Lose weight
4. Get fit
5. Take a trip
6. Volunteer to help others
7. Save more money

There were all kinds of advice that arrived in my inbox covering nearly every topic you can think of. There’s even one that tells you how to backup your hard drive!

The truth is, New Year resolutions tend to get a bad rap for being fruitless. Just ask any of your friends, and they’ll probably tell you that hardly any one of them has fulfilled his or her resolution. It seems like they never stepped out of their old selves, living with stale, self-limiting habits that are stopping them from getting the success they deserve.

Their advice?

Forget about New Year resolutions!

I disagree!

My thought is that since you’re going to break your resolutions like everyone else, just TAKE ACTION anyway! You see, the act of trying HAS value. Even if lasts only a month, a week, an hour…Or even if you’ve only accomplished 10% of your resolutions, at least you made an attempt. It’s better than sitting helplessly on your beanbag chair, giving in to others who want YOU to fail.

Before you start rummaging through your archive of long-forgotten resolutions, remember this: the goals aren’t as important as the process.

As the great poet Ralph Waldo Emerson so wisely puts it: “Life is a journey, not a destination”. It is never too late to start anew to be what you could have been. Life is not just about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself, every day. So get into the habit of persisting with your commitment to change and take action to get your goals. Even if it’s only a small change, you are still taking that all important step closer towards becoming the bigger, better person you are meant to be.

And if your target is nothing, that’s precisely what you’ll get!

So take action now!

Richard Tan, CEO

Success Resources, Singapore

Happy New Year – NY Resolutions are promises

The year 2012 has just started and most of us made some New Year Resolutions last night. My friend KieranRevell send me a great message which I want to share with you as I am in total agreement with what he says. Here it goes:

Subject: New Year Resolutions are really promises to yourself – make yours today.

New Year resolutions are made and broken with monotonous regularity. Though treated lightly, they are in fact promises we make to ourselves about our futures – short medium and long term. When we dismiss them without a second thought and without really trying, we signal our inability to live up to our own expectations and have already begun the spiral of disappointment.

Unfortunately, most resolutions are made flippantly. We look back briefly at the year behind us, order another drink and swear to the four winds we’ll do better next year. So continues the whim. We put no stock in their importance to our lives.

What if you really could have an awesome future? If you knew in your heart you could affect the changes necessary to embrace the life you deserve and only ever dreamed of? Perhaps you know deep down you can do better but up until this point in your life, have lacked the resolve.

Many people will laugh and dismiss your resolutions as useless. ‘Don’t waste your time’? ‘You don’t have the courage to stick to any plan’? ‘Life is pretty good as it is: Why change it’? The list of excuses is endless and unfortunately, we so often take the path of least resistance and surrender even before we begin.

More than 70% of NY resolutions are not acted upon at all: More than 55% fail in the first three months and that increases to almost 80% over 6 months and so on. That doesn’t leave much. At the end you simply have another failed batch of promises. You life is right back where you were: The merry-go-round continues for another 12 months as nothing changes.

Why not make this year different and instead of wishing and hoping, then reverting to old habits, do something concrete? It is possible to lead an extraordinary life. You need only believe in yourself and your plan. Fill your every action with determination, drive, passion and gratitude. Now it’s time to take action.
If you fail to do anything, it’s not the end of your world but life will stagnate for another year. Is that what you want or do you really want to move from where you are, to a point of clarity and absolute prosperity? I know which one I choose!

The following steps will help you build an awesome life, based on the promises you make to yourself:
1. Write your ten most desired goals (short, medium & long term) in your journal;
2. Make the goals realistic & attainable;
3. Write the action needed to take to achieve them;
4. Write mantras/uplifting quotes next to every goal and recite it every day;
5. Create a time frame for each goal;
6. Create a contract with yourself & have it witnessed by a friend or family member;
7. Reward yourself when you achieve each goal, no matter how small;
8. Impose small harmless penalties if you fail to achieve them;
9. Don’t share your resolutions with anyone (they might not support you);
10. Share your results with family members and friends;
11. As you achieve them, cross them out and write in capital letters – ACHIEVED! – all in red pen.
12. Learn to smile and be grateful for even the smallest blessing in your life;
13. Once you do this successfully, you can make resolutions at any time of the year and achieve them.

It’s important you believe beyond question you’re the most important person in the world and your life truly matters: You’ll begin to evolve into the person you want to become. Always carry humility, respect, wisdom, trust, patience, understanding, love, faith, truth, generosity, gratitude and tolerance in your pocket and quietly hold them to your heart when you’re under pressure or unsure of the road you’re travelling.

I wish each and every one of you a safe, happy and incredibly prosperous 2012. With self-belief, determination and a clear plan of action, all things are achievable.

Stop procrastinating and start living. Imagine the possibilities …

With warmth and respect,

Kieran
www.Twitter.com/The_Success_Wiz
http://t.co/omAh42q4

It’s December 31st, 2012 and you…

It’s December 31st of the year 2012 and you are ….

What would you need to have DONE and who would you need to have become in order to be the person you are DELIGHTED TO MEET on December 31st, 2012?

Please, do yourself the favor of writing this down while I wait for you.

_________________________________________________________________________________

and I hope you wrote more than one sentence because the more detailed you describe what happened in the coming year, the more likely it is to really happen. Remember, what you focus on expands and only what you have imagined beforehand can actually manifest.

Just think of how a house is created. First it’s an idea in someone’s head, then it is roughly drawn on paper. As planning progresses the drawing becomes more and more detailled until one day the building begins in the physical world and stone by stone (remember, I am European and we build stone houses) the building is created just the way you can create your dreams.

To help you, here are the areas in your life you might want to grow, change, contribute, serve, or learn in:

Health

Finances

Friendships

Family

Career

Romance

Personal Growth

Physical Fitness

Brainstorm what you want to achieve in all these areas of your life. What is closest to your heart?

____________________________________________________________________________________

And the most important question you need to answer yourself is ….

AM I REALLY WILLING TO TAKE ALL THE NECESSARY STEPS TO ACHIEVE MY DREAMS???

Take YOUR TIME to reflect and be specific when you “build” your vision for 2012. Be honest and truthful to youself, especially when you answer the “most important question”. Always remember, you gravitate towards your most dominant thoughts and aspirations!

Have an amazing 2012

Barbara

Christmas in Germany

Why do I mention  there is a difference between thetypical saying “Merry Christmas”in the anglo countries to the “Frohe Weihnachten” in Germany?

I mention it because it very much shows the differences in the way we celebrate Christmas. Here in Germany it is very much a family holiday. Maybe a little like Thanksgiving in the US. On Christmas Eve we get together with our immediate family members. In most cases it is only father, mother and the children, sometimes the grandparents are there too.

Since both my parents have passed away I was “adopted” by my favorite aunt and her family so now I spent Christmas eve with them. My aunt lives in the village I was born in and we start by going to church in the afternoon. I love our old church. It is nearly fivehundred years old and both my parents are buried in it’s churchyard. For me it is homecoming each time I visit. During the church service they play the Christmas story. It is played by local people and sometimes it’s so bad that it is really funny. All the same, it’s part of tradition and I thoroughly enjoy it.

It’s also the one time a year I meet my old school friends; at least the ones that stayed in the village like my oldest friend Christine and my goddaughter Alexandra.

After church we go to my aunts and have a sumptuous dinner. And now the fun begins. We gather around the Christmas tree with all the gifts underneath it and sing traditional German Christmas carols. Sometimes someone reads a Christmas story or makes music. Then it is time for the gifts. We don’t give each other large gift but we always have some small personal gift nicely wrapped up for everyone.

My aunt still uses regular candles so it really is very traditional and romantic. To make this part last longer we throw dice and only the one who has a six gets a gift. Sometimes whoever’s turn it is has to perform something. For the kids this is a lot of fun and for us adults it can be quite challenging. Then around midnight we have coffee and a special cake my aunt always makes.

But the main part of Christmas is to be together with the people you love most. We must never forget to appreciate them! Even if sometimes we are not of the same mind or they behave in ways we cannot agree with, we must make sure to show them love and respect. Never part in an argument. Often words hurt more than actions.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Be grateful if you still have a family and spend as much time as possible with them! Regret is the the greatest pain we suffer. It is in your hands to make sure you don’t need to suffer it.

Michael Jeffreys 8 “Secrets” to Success

Author Michael Jeffreys personally interviewed 15 top motivational gurus in 1997 for his then upcoming book. After talking to gurus from Brian Tracy to Dr. Wayne Dyer, he distilled 8 Secrets to Success they all agreed upon.These secrets are still good today and are as follows:

1.Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life

In a society where people blame everything from their parents to the government for failure, those who don’t buy into this mentality or succumb to the “victim” thinking succeed. To blame something or somebody outside yourself is saying they have control of your life and not you. Someone else’s opinion of you doesn’t have to become your reality.

2. Live Your Life On Purpose

What separates motivational thinkers from the unsuccessful is that they believe they’re doing what they were put her to do. The difference between this and just living, is that the latter is just getting through the week with the least problems.But when you live your life on purpose, your main concern is doing the job right.For the entrepreneur this means finding a cause you believe in and building your business around it.

3. Be Willing to Pay the Price

Be willing to pay the price for your dreams.Wanting a big house, a luxury car, and a million dollars in the bank is all very nice, and everyone wants these things – but are you willing to pay the price to get them?This is one of the major differences between the successful and unsuccessful.

4. Stay Focused

Every day we’re bombarded with hundreds of tasks, phone calls, messages, and everyone competing for our time. Focusing requires giving up something in the present because you are investing your time in something that will pay off big-time down the road. Jack Canfield and Mark Hanson were turned by 30 publishers when they submitted the first “Chicken Soup for the Soul” book.Instead of giving up, they stayed focused on their goal and did four or five interviews per day for radio, TV, and newspapers, for five days a week for a whole year. Eventually, a small publisher decided to take a chance, and of course now it’s a best-seller that spawned an entire series that have sold more than 10 million copies.

5. Become An Expert in Your Field.

One striking factor all successful people have in common is how seriously they take their profession.They strive to be the best at what they do, and do almost anything to improve.If someone followed you around all day with a video camera at your business, would it be a tape you’d be proud of or embarrassed about?Make the decision today to work at being the best in your field.How? By finding out what the “best” in your field are doing, and do what they do.

6.Write Out a Plan for Achieving Your Goals

Write out an action plan/map for how you’re going to achieve your goals.Trying to reach your goals without a plan is like trying to drive from Los Angeles to Chicago without a map. A goal that isn’t written down is merely a wish or fantasy.

7. Never Give Up

Never, never, never give up. When you’re fully committed to achieving your goal, giving up is not an option. You must be willing do whatever it takes to make it happen.The power of perseverance is an awesome force.As someone once said, “inch by inch it’s a cinch”. Think of the lowly inchworm – if it pondered the length of the trip from start to finish before it started, it probably would never move. To a worm’s point-of-view,the garden path must look like a trip to Mars. Never give up! Keep on going like the Eveready battery bunny, and pretty soon you’re there.

8. Don’t Delay

Nobody knows how much time they have left to accomplish their dreams, and we must remember that we don’t have forever. The clock is ticking, and sooner or later your number comes up and you’re gone.Successful achievers know this too, but they don’t view it as a “negative”.Achievers use it to “spur them on”.They go after what they want as energetically and as passionately as possible, for as long as they have.

I had a friend who used to say, “Today is a check – cash it!Yesterday is an I.O.U. – forget it! Tomorrow is a promissory note, don’tbank on it!”I think that’s a pretty good summation of life, so go out there and cash in on that “today” check.

PS: If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you know that I stand for these principles. They are no secret. They have been around since the beginning of mankind. Be true to yourself and follow them.

Attitude of Gratitude

In the USA Thanksgiving is the most important family holiday. It is also a day on which many celebrities share food with those less fortunate than they are and I know from my own experience that this is a very rewarding experience.

Giving thanks to all the good that already is in your life is probably the easiest ways to find happiness. One of the first things I ask of my coaching clients is that they keep a gratitude journal. Each day they have to write at least 3 things they are grateful for. The more the better.

Why do I ask them to do that? Because I want them to start feeling good about themselves and their lives. I want them to appreciate what they already have so the gap between that and their goals seems smaller.

For most people it seems easier to find things to complain about than to find things to give thanks for. But it is exactly that which keeps them from happiness and fulfillment. What we concentrate on is what we get. When we complain and concentrate on what doesn’t work, we enforce exactly that. That is why when people have financial challenges and don’t stop to concentrate on their lack of money, things get worse and worse. Whatever they try, they don’t seem to get out of that situation and even when they make money they loose it again.

What you focus on expands. When you focus on lack, lack is what you get. When you focus on abundance, abundance will come into your life. Start giving even if you have little and give without expecting anything back. If you give and expect gratitude it will not work.

Our subconscious does everything to fulfill our wishes but it cannot understand a negation. If you say “I don’t want to smoke” it understands “I want to smoke” and helps you with that. If you think “I don’t want to have financial problems” etc. it understands only the basic which are financial problems. Therefore it is omni-important to focus only on what you want and never on what you don’t want.

As I said in the beginning giving thanks, feeling grateful is the easiest way to feeling happy. Look at what you already have in your life and say thanks for that – each and every day. Be grateful when the sun shines and when rain gives water to the land so our food can grow. Give thanks for having a roof over your head, for the food you eat, for having family and friends in your life, and for your health and whatever wealth you have accumulated so far. Give thanks for being alive and kicking. For the flower you see grow out of the cracks of the asphalt, for a beautiful sunset, or the perfect snowflake that lands on your nose.

There are thousands of moments and things in every day of our lives that we can and should be grateful for. Start writing them down in your gratitude journal every night before you go to sleep and again in the morning before you start your day. Do that for 21 days and your life will change. That is a promise.

Happy Changes!

Barbara

www.trainingvisions.com

A World without Money?!

The Occupy Wall Street action is a clear indication that we are reaching the end of the MONEY road.  But what do we do when it all collapses?

UBUNTU Contributionism – A blueprint for a NEW Social Structure – A World Without Money

On the 22 Sept 2011 I had my first ever public appearance to speak about Contributionism and the foundations of UBUNTU in a world without money. It was an interesting experience, because most of the people who were present have never heard of me or my research before. So it was a real challenge to convey a complex message in a few minutes, to many who would normally be sceptical about some stranger with a radical message. But seeming it went well and I believe that a seed of consciousness was planted.

Every day we see the undeniable signs of the economic structures around us collapsing and people around the world are rapidly waking up we need an new system. Many are also waking up to the fact that money is a maliciously constructed tool of enslavement, by thos who control the supply of money. The banks, central banks, stock trading establishments and the legal system has been carefully crafted over thousands of years to bring us to this point in time.

A prophesised moment of global awakening, along with the rapid rise of consciousness is making millions of people around the world realise that this system cannot continue. Its imminent collapse presents us with real challenges. What will we replace it with – if there is NO MONEY?

Many economists are baffled by the fact that the global economy somehow keeps crawling along. Refusing to collapse. This is simply because of the desperate measures taken by those who control it to somehow keep propping it up with empty promises. This simply means that once it crashes, it will be a monumental mess of unimaginable proportion.

If we do not have a plan of how to survive in a world without money, billions of people will die like flies. The urban and metropolitan jungles are most vulnerable – no food, no water, no heat, electricity, no transport… people will kill each other for a slice of bread. We have seen snippets of this in the past decade when power supply failed in north America.

Part of the UBUNTU Contributionism plan is a rapid decentralising programme, where people live in smaller towns that are virtually completely self sustained. Water, food, housing, free renewable energy, and all the communal resources that the people contribute towards the greater benefit of all. Abundance for all – in all aspects.

The answers to the problems are simple. As in science and physics, the simple answers are mostly always the right ones. But because of MONEY, the solutions to the global problems are not implemented – because they are not “financially viable”. This has been the biggest obstacle to all progress. All the basic human needs and services required by communities are denied to the people because – there is not enough money. Everything is possible, all problems are solvable, but because of NO MONEY we are denied our basic rights.

Engineers, scientists, bakers, farmers, manufacturers are producing stuff all the time. The shops and malls are full of stuff – full of food … and yet people go hungry all the time and millions of tons of food gets discarded every year, because people could not afford to buy it. Money is the hurdle to all progress. Most of the global population lives in quiet desperation, misery, deep depression, waiting for some kind of miracle to save them from their lot.

Once money has been removed from society, everything becomes easy – NOT difficult. No obstacles to progress means “abundance for all”. Instead of using all our energy and most of our time chasing money, we will be spending most of our time to contribute to the abundance on all fronts. Whether it is food, science, technology, housing, energy, arts, culture, and all the other new human activities that are not part of our current structure, will emerge – because of “no money”, they will now be financially viable.

I call this the “natural order of things”. The way that nature has designed it. But the balance has been disturbed by human EGO. Those that are consciously awake and connected to the higher cosmic etheric fields know exactly what this means. But consciousness has a wonderful way of effecting all things, without us even realising it. Our DNA is constantly being activated by the energy waves and frequencies that now reach us from the galactic centre. Frequencies that have not been felt by humans in about 13,000 years.

This is really the main reason why so many millions of ordinary people are suddenly “waking up” from what was a long and dark period of ignorance and separation from the universal source and UNITY. The feeling of reckless abandon is evident in the many protests all around the world. People have had enough. They instinctively know that there is a better way.

SO – in this darkest moment in human history there is the brightest opportunity for change. Let us embrace it with all our hearts, leave any doubts behind, and swoop the sceptics along – everyone will eventually see the light. It is inevitable.

Since we all come out of unity, UNITY is the only way ahead. We are a deeply divided and abused species. Divided on every possible social level that we can imagine. We have to cross these deep divisions and find unlimited UNITY. We are all one and the same divine spirit is in all of us – the unifying spirit of the divine source of things. Some people call it GOD.

God is in all of us and we are all part of god – all the great masters of the past have tried to teach this principle to the people of their time. From Krishna, the Buddha, Christ and many others. WELL – the time has come again to embrace this simple principle of unity. Only a unified community will survive and find abundance on all levels which will allow them to rapidly move towards enlightenment. Anything else is doomed to failure.

Any future world in UNITY and abundance, cannot operate within a system of money, or anything remotely related to it. Any such notion is simply flying in the face of the laws of nature. But our minds have been so severely poisoned by capitalism and democracy, success and other feel-good expression that drive the crazy consumerist society, that most of us do not realise the deep traumatic strangle-hold of this poison. But the road to healing begins with realisation that we need to be healed. So… let us begin the healing from capitalism and separation.

I say this not in arrogance or ego, but simply because we all come from the same unity – the same source. All the physical matter in the universe, including our bodies, are made up of the same stuff. Electrons – make up the atoms that make up the molecules and cells and minerals that make up everything we perceive. We are all just a mass of electrons – arranged in different configurations – that vibrate at a specific frequency to produce a specific kind of matter.

Scientists sometimes call this source of all “the Big Bang”. But according to the great masters and ancient texts, it is the breath of God, or the word of God, or the sound of God, that has created all this stuff. And God does not take credit cards, debit cards, cash or gold. God just is. Infinite creation of abundance.

So, let us clear our poisoned minds of capitalism and embrace a new world of abundance. So many people, doing so many amazing things. Join the UBUNTU movement and spread the message of abundance for all… in a world without money – filled with ever-growing knowledge and UNITY, towards higher consciousness and enlightenment. www.contributionism.org

Michael Tellinger  -  4 October 2011

Forgive today!

If you could forgive one person today who would that be?

Today was the funeral of my cousin. He was 1 1/2 years younger than me.  As children we did everything together. He was my best friend and with all the little prats we played we used to drive my Grandma crazy. He was the first boy I kissed :-)

But over the years we developed in totally different ways.

My family and I escaped from Communist Germany and I learned the ways of the west. My cousin stayed in the village he was born in and married a childhood friend.

I traveled the world. He stayed at home, enlarged the house and lived there with his wife, parents and his sister.

We lived very different lives and while he complaint most of the time, I learned to take responsibility and saw the positive in most situations. We were not of the same mind anymore. His behavior towards me changed. There seemed to be envy and anger. After the death of my Mom he and his whole family totally cut contact with me. I tried several times to re-establish our relationship. After all we are family and it is my opinion that we do not have to agree on everything to love and respect each other. Anyway, my attempts failed and I hurt. I hurt so much that I had to do a lot of work on myself to let go of the pain and forgive – myself and “them”.

Just after my cousin passed on I could feel him in my house on two consecutive evenings. A lamp shade moved, I could feel a cold breeze and I knew he was there…

Some of you know I live in the woods by myself and it was a creepy feeling. On the first night I welcomed him into my home but asked him not to scare me. I told him that I love him and that I was glad he had come to say good-by. On the second night I told him what I had felt about the whole situation we had been in since my Mom’s passing. I said I had forgiven us for our shortcomings and that there were no hard feelings; that I wish him only the best and that it was now time for him to move on and unite again with his lovely wife (who had passed on 4 years ago). I burned a candle and said my good-bys and he left. I could feel I was alone again and felt very much at peace.

Life really is too short to hold grudges or feel bad about what other’s might or might not do. That is their issue – not yours. You are responsible for your behavior and response only. Do not hold grudges. Forgive and make sure your behavior is according to your values. Be true to yourself. Don’t hurt anyone intentionally but don’t bend your values to fit the expectations of others. It will only make you unhappy and you can never live up to everyone’s expectations – they are theirs, not yours.

Live your life to the best of your abilities and make the best of every single moment. You never know when will be your last.

R.I.P Eberhard

 

Create a positive work space

As adults, most of us spend more time with our colleagues at work than we do with our families. Therefore loving what we do and being a member of a great team is essential for a fulfilled life.

Today we will look into the qualities of great Teams and how to build and lead them because with the exception of your family, no other relationship will have as profound an impact on the quality of your life and the joy you can experience at work.

Here is what one of the greatest teamplayers of history, Henry Ford, had to say:

“Coming together is a beginning.
Keeping together is progress.
Working together is success. “

Unfortunately, like most families (the divorce rate in most western countries is around 50%) corporate teams tend to be pretty dysfunctional. Instead of developing a motivated team of individuals sharing a common goal and everyone driving their energies in the same direction, most teams are poorly trained and tend to compete instead of cooperate which makes them implode under pressure.

Let’s look at the components of a great Team.

First of all you have to feel responsible (respons-ability = ability to respond)

Remember, it is your team whether you lead them or are just a member

Be a leader

It is not alway the boss that leads. You can be a leader too. Contribute with ideas and suggestions and help to implement them.

Show your willingness to cooperate without being subservient

Enjoy building “your team” and remember how much time you spend at work and that it’s worth while enjoying. Starting tomorrow, become an active team member who leads her/his team in the best direction… one worthy of everybodys involvement! Inspiring your team is in your hands – you have the choice!