Christmas in Germany

Why do I mention  there is a difference between thetypical saying “Merry Christmas”in the anglo countries to the “Frohe Weihnachten” in Germany?

I mention it because it very much shows the differences in the way we celebrate Christmas. Here in Germany it is very much a family holiday. Maybe a little like Thanksgiving in the US. On Christmas Eve we get together with our immediate family members. In most cases it is only father, mother and the children, sometimes the grandparents are there too.

Since both my parents have passed away I was “adopted” by my favorite aunt and her family so now I spent Christmas eve with them. My aunt lives in the village I was born in and we start by going to church in the afternoon. I love our old church. It is nearly fivehundred years old and both my parents are buried in it’s churchyard. For me it is homecoming each time I visit. During the church service they play the Christmas story. It is played by local people and sometimes it’s so bad that it is really funny. All the same, it’s part of tradition and I thoroughly enjoy it.

It’s also the one time a year I meet my old school friends; at least the ones that stayed in the village like my oldest friend Christine and my goddaughter Alexandra.

After church we go to my aunts and have a sumptuous dinner. And now the fun begins. We gather around the Christmas tree with all the gifts underneath it and sing traditional German Christmas carols. Sometimes someone reads a Christmas story or makes music. Then it is time for the gifts. We don’t give each other large gift but we always have some small personal gift nicely wrapped up for everyone.

My aunt still uses regular candles so it really is very traditional and romantic. To make this part last longer we throw dice and only the one who has a six gets a gift. Sometimes whoever’s turn it is has to perform something. For the kids this is a lot of fun and for us adults it can be quite challenging. Then around midnight we have coffee and a special cake my aunt always makes.

But the main part of Christmas is to be together with the people you love most. We must never forget to appreciate them! Even if sometimes we are not of the same mind or they behave in ways we cannot agree with, we must make sure to show them love and respect. Never part in an argument. Often words hurt more than actions.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Be grateful if you still have a family and spend as much time as possible with them! Regret is the the greatest pain we suffer. It is in your hands to make sure you don’t need to suffer it.

Forgive today!

If you could forgive one person today who would that be?

Today was the funeral of my cousin. He was 1 1/2 years younger than me.  As children we did everything together. He was my best friend and with all the little prats we played we used to drive my Grandma crazy. He was the first boy I kissed 🙂

But over the years we developed in totally different ways.

My family and I escaped from Communist Germany and I learned the ways of the west. My cousin stayed in the village he was born in and married a childhood friend.

I traveled the world. He stayed at home, enlarged the house and lived there with his wife, parents and his sister.

We lived very different lives and while he complaint most of the time, I learned to take responsibility and saw the positive in most situations. We were not of the same mind anymore. His behavior towards me changed. There seemed to be envy and anger. After the death of my Mom he and his whole family totally cut contact with me. I tried several times to re-establish our relationship. After all we are family and it is my opinion that we do not have to agree on everything to love and respect each other. Anyway, my attempts failed and I hurt. I hurt so much that I had to do a lot of work on myself to let go of the pain and forgive – myself and “them”.

Just after my cousin passed on I could feel him in my house on two consecutive evenings. A lamp shade moved, I could feel a cold breeze and I knew he was there…

Some of you know I live in the woods by myself and it was a creepy feeling. On the first night I welcomed him into my home but asked him not to scare me. I told him that I love him and that I was glad he had come to say good-by. On the second night I told him what I had felt about the whole situation we had been in since my Mom’s passing. I said I had forgiven us for our shortcomings and that there were no hard feelings; that I wish him only the best and that it was now time for him to move on and unite again with his lovely wife (who had passed on 4 years ago). I burned a candle and said my good-bys and he left. I could feel I was alone again and felt very much at peace.

Life really is too short to hold grudges or feel bad about what other’s might or might not do. That is their issue – not yours. You are responsible for your behavior and response only. Do not hold grudges. Forgive and make sure your behavior is according to your values. Be true to yourself. Don’t hurt anyone intentionally but don’t bend your values to fit the expectations of others. It will only make you unhappy and you can never live up to everyone’s expectations – they are theirs, not yours.

Live your life to the best of your abilities and make the best of every single moment. You never know when will be your last.

R.I.P Eberhard

 

Integrate the lessons

On my last trip to London they actually upgraded me to business class on the way back. I thought that was nice of the universe -.) and of British Airways! Something else to be grateful for.

I went to London solely to attend a seminar on NLP and Time Line Therapy. The 2 days were extemely interesting and once more I learned a lot about myself but one of the most interesting conversations I had there were during the break on Sunday with Daniel, a young man I had met at the Self-development Expo a few months earlier.

Daniel asked whether I was going to another event Andy Harrington was doing a couple of weeks later and I said “No, not this time. Why do you ask?” I loved his answer because he said what I thought but had never formulated before.

Here it is: “There are many people who go to the same events again and again. I love going to seminars but I don’t book another one until I have integrated at least one thing I learned at the last one. If I don’t really put what I learn into action there seems to be no point in going.”Isn’t that a wise choice? Thanks Daniel for saying it so eloquently.

I have a friend who did the whole Tony Robbins curriculum including Fidji followed by some heavy doses of NLP but we can’t see any real changes in her. While another friend who has gone to only one Tony Robbins and to one NLP Training has put everything she learned to work and is now making a name for herself as a speech trainer.

These seminars, workshops and books work but only if we use what we learn. When I see this type of change and improvement in one of my “To be” members it makes me feel really proud like a parent when their kids have achieved something. That is what my work is all about. Helping people improve and change their life for the better. Could there be any better?

Love your life and it will love you back!
Barbara

 

, , , , , , , ,

Don’t let anger waste your energy

Anger is something that can control our lifes. If we tend to get upset easily we better learn how to control that anger instead of letting it control us.

Did you know that you use 8-10 times more energy when being angry?

I read this in a medical article but I also know it to be true from my own experiences. Each time I got really upset about something I was completely exhausted afterwards. My father was a very explosive man and I was pretty bad myself when I was young but because one can be very unjust and hurtful in anger I learned to control my outbursts.

I was just chatting in the uncommon forum with a girl who got so angry that she beat up her boyfriend and as a consequence he left her. This is not the first time I hear stuff like that so I will share some of my advice with you.

“…Sounds like you really freaked out and lost the person you loved in consequence. The pain you feel can be very helpful for you to learn an important lesson because scientists have found out that we only change if the pain or the joy we feel is strong enough. In NLP they call it anchoring. Anchor the pain of this loss to something like the snap of your fingers or touching your heart or whatever gesture comes to your mind.

First put yourself into the situation again and add the actual punch, the hurt in your partners eyes etc. until you start feeling how you must have felt after punching him or after realising that he is leaving you because of your violence. Go as deep into the pain as you can and associate a gesture with it. Now each time you feel anger coming up repeat that gesture to feel the consequences. You might need to practise it a few times but this works 100 %.

If that is not enough try time line therapy. Imagine yourself in a moment of anger than leave your body and float above it and watch yourself. Float higher so you can see more of your life line (time line) and look into your future. How will it be if you continue like this?

Now go higher and go back in time to when you were small. When was the first time you felt anger, violence like that? Put yourself in that moment again and watch it from above. Now float back further until you are 15 Minutes before you felt that very first anger. In this moment you were still anger free and can make a decision to not want anger in your life. It’s not worth it…

What you decide here depends very much on you but if done properly you will be anger and violence free. If you can’t do this by yourself find a good hypno-therapist who works with this method. It is fast and very efficient.

I also suggest you stop drinking alcohol or at least drink less. After each drink have at least one glass of water and eat well if you intend to have a drink.

When you feel your anger coming take some slow deep breath into your tummy and count until 10 before reacting. That helps immediately.

All of these methods work IF you use them! Just reading about them will do nothing.

It would be nice if you could let me know what helps you best.

To an anger free life with plenty of Love
Barbara
www.trainingvisions.com

Do you want to move forward faster? Then register NOW in the TrainingVisions mentoring program.

Grateful for the Upgrade

After the near missed flight to London I spent an extremely enjoyable 2 days there attending a seminar of Topher Morrison. I left it slightly early as I had learned my lesson and wanted to make sure I arrive with plenty of time at Gatwick airport.

But I missed the airport train at Victoria Station and again arrived slightly late at the check in of British Airways – but this time I was in luck. They upgraded me to Business Class because the flight was fully booked and some people insisted on sitting together. Good for them and great for me as I flew back very comfortable and with excellent service.

But can you imagine that we had to leave all cosmetics behind – for security reasons? My bag shrivelled to half its usual size and I am not even into cosmetics. When I asked what one could do with a lipstick they told me I could stick it in someone’s eyes. I mean, please, this is crazy. I had 3 bolis in my bag and each were much more likely to do harm if I stuck them in someone’s eye. Which of course I would never do.

These security checks are getting a little out of hand and the rules are changing almost daily. There was a program on that on TV last night and it showed that if someone has set out to do harm they will find ways around the system because it is just impossible to check everything. But like those people could find ways to do damage we can find ways to do good.

Let’s not concentrate so much on the danger and on the negative. By doing that we only give it power. Let’s concentrate on the good in people, on the power each and everyone of us has to change this world for the better – one step, one small action, one helping hand at the time.

I love you all
Barbara
http://www.trainingvisions.com
Sign up for my FREE Insight – short weekly sessions with real practical tips for a great(er) YOU and get the FREE Success Cycle workbook