Forgive today!

If you could forgive one person today who would that be?

Today was the funeral of my cousin. He was 1 1/2 years younger than me.  As children we did everything together. He was my best friend and with all the little prats we played we used to drive my Grandma crazy. He was the first boy I kissed 🙂

But over the years we developed in totally different ways.

My family and I escaped from Communist Germany and I learned the ways of the west. My cousin stayed in the village he was born in and married a childhood friend.

I traveled the world. He stayed at home, enlarged the house and lived there with his wife, parents and his sister.

We lived very different lives and while he complaint most of the time, I learned to take responsibility and saw the positive in most situations. We were not of the same mind anymore. His behavior towards me changed. There seemed to be envy and anger. After the death of my Mom he and his whole family totally cut contact with me. I tried several times to re-establish our relationship. After all we are family and it is my opinion that we do not have to agree on everything to love and respect each other. Anyway, my attempts failed and I hurt. I hurt so much that I had to do a lot of work on myself to let go of the pain and forgive – myself and “them”.

Just after my cousin passed on I could feel him in my house on two consecutive evenings. A lamp shade moved, I could feel a cold breeze and I knew he was there…

Some of you know I live in the woods by myself and it was a creepy feeling. On the first night I welcomed him into my home but asked him not to scare me. I told him that I love him and that I was glad he had come to say good-by. On the second night I told him what I had felt about the whole situation we had been in since my Mom’s passing. I said I had forgiven us for our shortcomings and that there were no hard feelings; that I wish him only the best and that it was now time for him to move on and unite again with his lovely wife (who had passed on 4 years ago). I burned a candle and said my good-bys and he left. I could feel I was alone again and felt very much at peace.

Life really is too short to hold grudges or feel bad about what other’s might or might not do. That is their issue – not yours. You are responsible for your behavior and response only. Do not hold grudges. Forgive and make sure your behavior is according to your values. Be true to yourself. Don’t hurt anyone intentionally but don’t bend your values to fit the expectations of others. It will only make you unhappy and you can never live up to everyone’s expectations – they are theirs, not yours.

Live your life to the best of your abilities and make the best of every single moment. You never know when will be your last.

R.I.P Eberhard

 

MERYL STREEP AT BARNARD

Meryl Streep may be best known as a 16-time Academy Award nominee and two-time winner, but in her fantastic 2010 commencement speech at Barnard College, Columbia University’s women’s-only sister institution, she reveals herself as equal parts political theorist, humorist, and modern philosopher, speaking on issues of identity, gender roles, change, and happiness.

“Today is about looking forward, into a world where so called ‘women’s issues’—human issues—of gender inequality live at the very crux of the global problems everyone suffers, from poverty to the age crisis, the rise in violent fundamentalist juntas, human trafficking and human rights abuses.” ~ Meryl Streep

 

Gossip – how it influences us

I found an interesting article from NPR last week that confirms what many of us have known for a long time – that gossip is not just about dishing on people to entertain ourselves (if, of course, we were to allow ourselves to do such a thing! :-). Gossip influences not just what we think about people and expect about people – but now research says it influences how we actually see people. And I mean “see” in terms of the biological function of vision. According to the article – and the biology of the species – human beings evolved to use gossip as a way to help manage interactions. What we could find out about each other prior to an interaction would help us know who is likely to be our friend and who is likely to be an enemy. Check it out: http://n.pr/l4cEGr

Now, I do have a point here. If our perceptions of people influence, literally, how we see them – it follows that there will be some affect on how we interact with them. Our behaviors are often influenced by how other people react or interact with us. Given that, how might gossip influence a coaching process – either in the way a client sees his or her coach, or a coach sees his or her client? Can you use this research to help your coaching clients understand why they perceive certain things about people, even though evidence might not exist? Is this a greater issue in the workplace than it might be in an independent coaching practice?

Articles by Doreen Petty

http://hr.toolbox.com/people/doreenpetty/

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How is your self-esteem?

I read a forum post just now that talked about an online test someone had taken. It seems her expectations were higher than her results and she felt really down for only getting 50 %. In her post she said:

“I shall try to forget it, its hard to forget negative things for me, its like i want to put myself down. ”

Do you know how often I hear that? And why do I hear that so much? Hard to forget negative things… Why would we want to put ourself down? Why do we seem to listen more to negative things than to positive? If someone makes one negative remark all the praise we got from that person or from others before seem cancelled out as if they never existed.

Does that make sense or is it just something we have been trained to do until it became a disempowering habit? I feel that is becoming more and more difficult to stay positive. The media is doing their best to make us think we are surrounded only by violence (which is not true!).
Parents and teachers and in many cases Governments are telling us what is right and what is “wrong”. Even though we seem to have more freedom today there are more and more No, No’s we identify ourselves with. Fortunately there are plenty of people out there who see great opportunities and use them for the betterment of mankind.

It should be easier to laugh or at least shrug on a test like the one the lady above made because unless done by a real professional who knows the topic inside out, they have no meaning but hey, if I get all excited by the Matrix test (see my ecademy profile) than I suppose it is only normal that someone else gets upset about some other silly little test.

Here some advice: Hold your head high knowing that you are unique with all the ups and downs that make you the personality you are.

Let’s focus on the good in our lives! Let’s make it a daily habit to count all our blessings, all the good things we can be grateful for so our “so called weaknesses” don’t graze us so much. We are all unique and we are all perfect if we only let the perfection out that is often locked so deep inside of us.

Dare to be different. You are worth it.
Barbara Hofmeister
www.thetobebook.com

In case you want to read the Wikipedia definition of self-esteem:
In psychology, self-esteem or self-worth includes a person’s subjective appraisal of himself or herself as intrinsically positive or negative to some degree.

Self-esteem involves both self-relevant beliefs (e.g., “I am competent/incompetent“, “I am liked/disliked”) and associated self-relevant emotions (e.g., triumph/despair, pride/shame). It also finds expression in behavior (e.g., assertiveness/timorousness, confidence/caution). In addition, self-esteem can be construed as an enduring personality characteristic (trait self-esteem) or as a temporary psychological condition (state self-esteem).

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Attention or Abuse?

The following information is a SERIOUS MESSAGE to understand what is or isn’t healthy in a love relationship.

This message is essential in order to stop the abusive love patterns that are creating devastation to individuals, families and society as a whole.

ATTENTION OR ABUSE?

What you think may be attention, and believe that the extreme behaviour is because he or she loves you and misses you, is in fact the DEADLY CALLING CARD of an insecure individual who is NOT healthy to have a relationship with, create a marriage with or have children with. Any individual who displays the behaviour explained below is likely to be sociopathic, narcissistic or psychopathic.

Love abuse from a narcissistic individual (see more details about narcissism here: www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/narcissism-understood.htm)

is the number one reason for PERSONAL DEMISE, and can create the destruction of everything that you thought your life to be.

Sadly many individuals who didn’t know what the warning signs were, and don’t yet know what IS OR ISN’T ABUSE continue to allow abuse to take place, and continue to suffer the terrible consequences.

PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS CAREFULLY

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to send you frequent questioning, abusive or needy texts / emails?

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to ring you numerous times a day – at home, on your mobile and at work before you had a chance or the desire to respond?

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to come around knocking on your front door at 3am?

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to say bad things about you on the Internet?

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to yell abuse when you don’t answer the door?

Is it okay for your ex’s new partner, or existing partner’s ex-partner to repeatedly ring and abuse you?

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to use abusive words, name call or threaten you.

NO IT IS NOT!!!!!!!!

This is NOT appropriate behaviour. This is inappropriate behaviour. This is harassment and abuse and it is NOT acceptable!

ABUSE – PURE AND SIMPLE

Many people, particularly women, accept this behaviour because they think it really isn’t too bad. We rationalise it by saying “It’s not really abuse, after all – he didn’t hit me – it wasn’t physical therefore it can’t be abuse.”

We rationalise it and say “I can cope with it.” We make excuses and allow the offender to keep harassing us.

And they do – and the texts and phone calls keep coming. The stalking, monitoring, interrogation, controlling and the abuse continues – UNTIL WE TAKE CONTROL AND PUT A STOP TO IT.

This behaviour is NOT CARING, it is NOT LOVING, and it is NOT FLATTERING!

This behaviour is DANGEROUS and it says: “I can treat you however I want – and you will allow it!”

By allowing such behaviour you are condoning abuse – and signing up for abuse on a much worse scale than what you may be experiencing NOW.

You are putting yourself and people you love at risk.

SAYING ‘NO’ TO ABUSE

I plead with you NOT to make the mistake I did in thinking that these behaviours were loving, caring, and ‘sweet’ because I thought he loved me so much.

This thinking nearly led me to my DEATH, and the almost total DEVESTATION of everything I cared about in my life.

This thinking has DESTROYED more people than you could ever imagine.

It is IMPORTANT that you see this behaviour for what it is and say “No” To Abuse. It is your legal right to live peacefully and enjoy life without being harassed or controlled by anyone, whether it is your existing partner, ex partner or any other individual.

WHAT IS NECESSARY FOR AN INTERVENTION ORDER

You DON’T have to experience physical abuse or physical threat in order for you to place an intervention order on ANY individual.

All you have to do is state: This person’s behaviour is disturbing me and upsetting my life! That’s it! PERIOD!

An Intervention Order will protect you from further harassment. It will stop the phone calls and the texts, it will stop the stalking, the bad language, accusations, name-calling, and put-downs.

It will STOP the mental and emotional anguish that is ripping yourself and your life apart.

An Intervention Order will give you back your control and power in this situation.

This is your powerful way to say: “NO! I DON’T DESERVE ABUSE!”

An Intervention Order is aimed at preventing future harassment and abuse. It may include an order that the abuser have no contact with you at all – whether by phone, texts, emails or in person. It may include an Order that the abuser is not allowed to come near where you live or work.

It is not a criminal offence for the abuser to have an Intervention Order against them, but the consequences if the abuser breaks the Order then may become a criminal offence.

In my experience I have seen countless previously abused individuals stand up, take out Intervention Orders and gain self-empowerment, sanity and relief as a result of implementing healthy boundaries to take care of themselves.

In the rare case that the abuser breaks the order, I have seen these people report the matter, have the Police deal with it swiftly and determinedly. In all cases that I have been privy to (as well as my own) the ABUSE ends!

Regardless of how scared you may be – living a life of fear is not a life and it is NOT ON!

By saying “No” to abuse you will not only create a life free of abuse for yourself, you will also become a wonderful example of self-respect to your peers, family, children and community.

NO MORE VICTIMHOOD

Relationship abuse has only one purpose – to gain and maintain control of the victim. This victim will only be a victim IF THEY ALLOW IT!

By empowering yourself, you take back that power and you prevent the abuser from abusing you anymore.

An Intervention Order helps you get back that control. It says “No more” and that you MEAN IT!

If the matter is urgent, you can ring the Police on the emergency number for your country, province or state.

Otherwise you can go to your Local Court and ask the Magistrate for an Intervention Order, or you can ask the Police to assist you to obtain an Intervention Order at the Court.

PASS THIS ON

This message is vital for many individuals – especially those who have never learnt (like my previous self) what is or isn’t abuse, and what our rights are.

Women especially need this message as do every generation of daughters. This information is not taught in schools.

This message is not just about educating individuals who are being abused, it is also about bringing the message to abusers and potential abusers that controlling and harassing behaviour is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Importantly this information is also vital as a preventive message for anyone who has not as yet been abused, but could be in the future.

HELP STOP ABUSE by forwarding this message to AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE

When forwarding this message, please be sure to include your personal message so that friends, family and contacts will open and read the message.

This message is from Melanie Tonia Evans: International Relationship Expert, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Expert, Author and Radio Host.

www.melanietoniaevans.com

Creating empowering Habits

Why does it seem that it is so much easier to fall into a bad habit than a good one?

I don’t have the answer either but I know for a fact that to change a bad habit into a good one  needs a clear decision. If you want to stop smoking, if you want to eat healthier food, if you want to work less, or if you want to exercise more – in all cases you first have to make a decision and then you have to stick to it.

Obviously the sticking to it is the difficult part. We know that from our New Year resolutions, don’t we? How often have we made promises to ourselves and have forgotten all about them by the middle of January?

There is a wonderful program out there that I use to keep me on track and to move me forward at all times and that is called Simpleology. It was created by Mark Joyner, the father of Internet Marketing. For me this guy is an absolute genius. Simpleology is a multi media course – that takes about 15 minutes every day and you do it first thing in the morning.

If you tend to get distracted easily, if you procrastinate on certain issues, if you are looking for ways to bring yourself forward – THIS COURSE IS FOR YOU! He calls it “the simple science of getting what you want”. I would say it will do all of us good. I use it at least 6 days a week and the result so far is that I am more focused, clearer on my goals, see immediately where I stray and consequently get much more done! It is very easy to follow. You just have to stick with it until the results become obvious.

Give it a go. It is free
Just click here and sign up for free and off you go.

Enjoy the journey
Barbara
www.trainingvisions.com

Why you need a Mentor – Walk your Talk

My mentor reminded me of something this week…

People think once you are successful you don’t need a mentor or a coach but exactly the opposite is the case. You want me to walk my talk, don’t you? Why would you use me as a coach or a mentor if I don’t use one or as it is more than one? Because I am already there? No, remember the journey is the destination and there is always room for improvement. I could not be a personal growth coach if I would not strive to grow myself every single day. At the moment I have 2 mentors and 2 coaches in different areas of my life. You can do the same or take an older one like me (blush) that has experience in many areas.

And let’s talk about another misconception and that is fear is weakness. This is a big myth! Most people think that admitting their fear somehow makes them weak or unsuccessful. On this I agree with my mentor …. this is total baloney.

Here’s his advice on this one:

“I feel fear regularly…especially when I’m in the midst of creating a lot of cool, new stuff. When you step outside of the norms in business and life, expect some fear. Just don’t let it stop you. The best thing to do is to gently call yourself out on it and more importantly, call a friend or your coach.

The secret is to share your fear from a neutral place instead of feaking out and believing your fearful thoughts.

A philosophy that serves me well is the idea that every “failure” offers an opportunity to learn and grow. In fact, the Chinese symbol for “crisis” also represents “opportunity”, isn’t that interesting?

When something goes wrong or doesn’t unfold according to plan, rather than view it as a failure and get caught up in feeling bad or sorry for yourself, look for the lesson and take action acordingly.

Here’s what I mean…

Rather than continue to moan and groan and feel frustrated with the negative reaction re-focus on your goals and dreams and use your learning to do it better next time. Because there will be a next time, won’t there? And for those you need someone by your side that has been there and done it.

To your success

Barbara

What is our essence?

This is a very personal post so if you are afraid of learning too much about my inner world, please do not read it.

During my 43-hour return journey from Malaysia I had mini-break-through after mini-breakthrough until, at one moment, I was flooded with LOVE – unconditional love, total love, nothing but love – for self and for everything and everyone around me.

I appologize if this sounds weird and not my usual down to earth style but it was the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt. For once I WAS COMPLETE! ALL WAS GOOD. ALL WAS AS IT SHOULD BE!

The aftermath of this feeling lasted for a couple of hours and everything looked clearer, more beautiful than normal. I fell in love – again – with my home country, with our efficiency, with my trip, with the experiences I had just made and – with myself!

Attention! This is important. I fell in love with myself.

I felt a very deep feeling of unconditional love for myself. Do you know that this is a FIRST? Isn’t that shocking? For the first time in my life I was flooded by UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for myself. A lovely voice said: “I love you Barbara” and I knew it to be true. Not intellectually but on a cellular level – I just KNEW it and felt it in every cell!

My God, this is a massiv breakthrough for me. 32 years of personal growth, of working on myself, on my self-esteem and confidence, and finally I knew there is nothing but LOVE that matters. When you have accepted that unconditional love for self, everything else falls into place. And the crazy thing is that it was always there, I just burried it under all the should do’s and must do’s of my life.

Love for self is all emcompassing. As soon as you feel that you have space for everything and everyone you want in your life. You are the creator. You are the one!

Who are you really investing in?

Posted by Lisa Sasevich on http://www.theinvisibleclose.com/articles/who-are-they-really-investing-in/

If anyone should be well compensated, it’s those of us who are doing the work that we were put here to do. But we heart-centered entrepreneurs can find it difficult to monetize our mission, because we love it and we love people and we care, so it’s easy to just give it all away.

Another problem we have is how to price our services. We may look at what others are charging and ask, “Am I worth $100/hr.? $200? $2,000?” But that’s the wrong question because your clients are not investing in you. They’re investing in themselves through you.

So you don’t have to spend time asking if you’re worth it. Am I worth $20,000/day? It doesn’t matter; I don’t have to think about that, because they’re not investing in me. The people who hire me are ready to invest in themselves through me at that level.

I learned this very profoundly in 2008 when I signed myself up for a Diamond level Mastermind program to the tune of $100K. Did I have that money sitting in my sock drawer. NO! Was I up late at night evaluating whether the gal leading the group was worth $100K. NO! That wasn’t even part of the equation. I remember lying in bed the night before turning in that application, pondering the investment I was about to make in MYSELF. Not in the group leader, not in the group, not in the deliverables of the mastermind, but in ME.

Once you realize that your clients are investing in themselves, you have the freedom to charge based on the value of the outcome or transformation that your service provides.

Isn’t that a relief? You don’t have to raise your self-esteem before you can raise your rates. You only have to stay focused on the transformation that you facilitate for your clients.

Whether your business is new or established, I’d like to offer you a gift. The questions below are taken from a process I walk through with my VIP clients. If you take the time to answer them in depth, you may be surprised to discover your offer on a deeper level than you’ve ever seen before, and to discover the value of that offer as seen through your client’s eyes.

Discover Your Offer and Its Value

  1. Imagine a specific client who is your best success story. What exact results did she or he get as a result of working with you? Spend some time here and really write it out in detail.
  2. Now, what other transformations happened because of those results? These are the bonuses, perhaps unexpected benefits from what you offer. For example, perhaps the person got married, or reconciled with his family, or sailed around the world, something she’d always wanted to do. Once you start thinking about this, you’ll find many of these extra results.
  3. Finally, what would have been the cost to that person had she or he not accepted your offer? Imagine all those wonderful outcomes that never would have happened.

My friends, really let yourself sit with the answer to #3, because this is the true VALUE of your offer. In most cases…priceless!

Use Coke’s marketing for Charity?

At TEDxChange, Melinda Gates makes a provocative case for nonprofits taking a cue from corporations such as Coca-Cola, whose plugged-in, global network of marketers and distributors ensures that every remote village wants — and can get — a Coke. Why shouldn’t this work for condoms, sanitation, vaccinations too?

Judge for yourself!