Self Esteem should be easy, shouldn’t it? After all, all it is, is esteeming ourselves…
What can be so difficult about that?
Let me tell you the story of one of my clients. Let’s call her Jenny. Jenny was so good at beating herself up that even I was amazed (and I used to be pretty good at it myself). She would always find someone that was better than her. For instance she went to the gym and who did she compare herself with, the superstar there, with the one girl that had the “perfect” body. No, she was not as good as that! She was not good enough!
At the same time there were dozens of women in the gym who were nowhere near as fit and shaply as she was – but Jenny could only see the one that was.
At work she would find fault with herself just because someone seemed to ignore her. She expected them not to have respect for her and they oblidged her.
Whenever her boyfriend as much as glanced at another woman, she paniced because SHE WAS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH. She “knew” he would leave her, which eventually he did.
Where did this feeling come from? From her childhood when her elder brother always was allowed more, when her elder brother always beat her at every game, when her elder brother always could do more than she could. But isn’t that natural, when you are 3 years younger an a girl? She didn’t see it like that. She only saw that she wasn’t good enough. She thought she could not live up to her Dad’s expectations (expectations he probably never had) and she continued to see it that way until she came to me.
There is nothing worse than beating yourself up and many of us are really good at it. We mull over what we might have done or said that was wrong or what we could have done better. We must be at fault if someone doesn’t call or email as often as they used to. We look at the fault in ourself for everything that is happening. We walk with our head bend low and wonder why we continuously bump into people and need to appologize (which again affirms that we are stupid, not smart, not good enough…)
You see, we cannot change the past but we can change the NOW
I keep repeating that because it is the only time we have influence over – the NOW – this moment in time.
Whatever we do NOW can change our past because as soon as we release all the pain and negative emotions, which we have from our interpretation of past experiences, life changes. It is that easy. You can use NLP to help you, you can use EFT to release and affirm more empowering beliefs, you can use Hypnosis, you can use Radical Forgiveness by Tipping or you can write a journal and work through it consiciously but work through it you MUST.
Stop beating yourself up. Love the divine presence that is within you! Learn to love yourself unconditionally. Your parents and grandparents did the best they could with the resources they had. That dreadful teacher, that always made you feel really stupid, is probably long gone and who cares today anyway? You are an adult now and can make your own decisions.
What keeps you in the emotion of “feeling small” is your inner voice, your inner self talk, your old conditioning and only YOU CAN CHANGE THAT!
Learn to come from a higher place by loving the divine within you. Let everything that comes from you and through you come with love and respect. Only when you love yourself can you truly share love with others.
You see that is the vicious cycle. If we think we are stupid, not good enough, not slim enough, not pretty enough it is like a self fulfilling prophecy. We ourselves make it happen!!! It’s all those negative emotions that have pilled up until they formed a clear but unfortunattely negative belief “You are not good enough” and that is what we project out into the world. STOP DOING THAT!!!
Remember, you are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t save the world…
To be continued…