Forgive today!

If you could forgive one person today who would that be?

Today was the funeral of my cousin. He was 1 1/2 years younger than me.  As children we did everything together. He was my best friend and with all the little prats we played we used to drive my Grandma crazy. He was the first boy I kissed 🙂

But over the years we developed in totally different ways.

My family and I escaped from Communist Germany and I learned the ways of the west. My cousin stayed in the village he was born in and married a childhood friend.

I traveled the world. He stayed at home, enlarged the house and lived there with his wife, parents and his sister.

We lived very different lives and while he complaint most of the time, I learned to take responsibility and saw the positive in most situations. We were not of the same mind anymore. His behavior towards me changed. There seemed to be envy and anger. After the death of my Mom he and his whole family totally cut contact with me. I tried several times to re-establish our relationship. After all we are family and it is my opinion that we do not have to agree on everything to love and respect each other. Anyway, my attempts failed and I hurt. I hurt so much that I had to do a lot of work on myself to let go of the pain and forgive – myself and “them”.

Just after my cousin passed on I could feel him in my house on two consecutive evenings. A lamp shade moved, I could feel a cold breeze and I knew he was there…

Some of you know I live in the woods by myself and it was a creepy feeling. On the first night I welcomed him into my home but asked him not to scare me. I told him that I love him and that I was glad he had come to say good-by. On the second night I told him what I had felt about the whole situation we had been in since my Mom’s passing. I said I had forgiven us for our shortcomings and that there were no hard feelings; that I wish him only the best and that it was now time for him to move on and unite again with his lovely wife (who had passed on 4 years ago). I burned a candle and said my good-bys and he left. I could feel I was alone again and felt very much at peace.

Life really is too short to hold grudges or feel bad about what other’s might or might not do. That is their issue – not yours. You are responsible for your behavior and response only. Do not hold grudges. Forgive and make sure your behavior is according to your values. Be true to yourself. Don’t hurt anyone intentionally but don’t bend your values to fit the expectations of others. It will only make you unhappy and you can never live up to everyone’s expectations – they are theirs, not yours.

Live your life to the best of your abilities and make the best of every single moment. You never know when will be your last.

R.I.P Eberhard

 

Gossip – how it influences us

I found an interesting article from NPR last week that confirms what many of us have known for a long time – that gossip is not just about dishing on people to entertain ourselves (if, of course, we were to allow ourselves to do such a thing! :-). Gossip influences not just what we think about people and expect about people – but now research says it influences how we actually see people. And I mean “see” in terms of the biological function of vision. According to the article – and the biology of the species – human beings evolved to use gossip as a way to help manage interactions. What we could find out about each other prior to an interaction would help us know who is likely to be our friend and who is likely to be an enemy. Check it out: http://n.pr/l4cEGr

Now, I do have a point here. If our perceptions of people influence, literally, how we see them – it follows that there will be some affect on how we interact with them. Our behaviors are often influenced by how other people react or interact with us. Given that, how might gossip influence a coaching process – either in the way a client sees his or her coach, or a coach sees his or her client? Can you use this research to help your coaching clients understand why they perceive certain things about people, even though evidence might not exist? Is this a greater issue in the workplace than it might be in an independent coaching practice?

Articles by Doreen Petty

http://hr.toolbox.com/people/doreenpetty/

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