Tap Yourself On The Back

Moments TO BE

Without belief in ourself we will not get very far in life. This is why it is time to use some simple yet very effective techniques to boost our confidence and belief in ourself:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Even if this sounds too simplistic for you, give it a go because it really works.

 

, , , , , ,

How To Handle Critizism

Moments TO BE

Today I will talk about the important topic of how to handle critizism. Isn’t it strange that most of us shrug off compliments but really take critizism to heart and carry it around with us for a long time?

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Once and for all let’s get rid of this crazyness and start appreciating appreciation. Most people mean the compliments they give us and if you listen and look at them when they are giving them, you will soon know who is truthful. Open your heart and let the praise in. You obviously deserve it.

, , , , , ,

Is self-love selfish?

This is a question I would like you, my readers, to answer. Here is what some of you have said so far:

  • Robin Green I think there is a saying… In order to be loved, one has to love oneself.
  • Damien Thomas I don’t think it is selfish. I think self-love is to have a strong sense of respect for and confidence in oneself.
  • Moni Ka To love yourself is like to love a little part of God living in you. Since God is unconditional love, everything with this feeling cant be selfish.
  • Barbara Hofmeister Thanks. I totally agree with all 3 of you. Self love is essential. If we can see and respect the uniqueness in us, we might feel the unconditional love we are meant to feel. Keep the comments coming please. I am working on a new workshop with this title and need lots of ideas, techniques etc.
  • Tami Roberts-Principe You cannot constantly give to others without rejuvenating yourself. You have to love yourself first, and then others. It’s the selfish people that try to attach guilt to it.
  • Susan Jewett Reid Walsh I think if you are not giving love from a place of self-love overflowing, than there is a good chance your love is not pure and unconditional. You cannot give away what you don’t have – it’s just the way it is.
  • Barbara Hofmeister yes and way too many people do not feel unconditional self love. How would you help them discover it?
  • Victor Onochie Anumba You have to love yourself 2 love others.u can help them by letting know that they should appreciate God first & every other thing follows
  • Barbara Hofmeister A good point Victor. The question is how can I make them EXPERIENCE SELF LOVE? Just telling is not anywhere near enough
  • Lillian Ogbogoh You can’t give what you don’t have, if you don’t love you how can you love anyone else?
  • Victor Onochie Anumba Firstly,its team work, you need the help of a personal coach,it takes time,but you do need to convince them that people like them for who they are. Encourage them to interact with like minds. Finally they should consider Rebranding their personality. Remember Leaders are made not born. Cheers
  • Rebeca Orozco Self love is essential since you cannot give what you do not possess although it could also be a double edged sword. A perfect example is the story of Narcisus in Greek Mythology
  • Barbara Hofmeister Rebeca, unconditional self love has nothing to do with conceit (hope that is the right word). My experience with unconditional self love is love of ALL there is and narzism doesn’t have any room in that
  • Bala Padmanabhan
    Barbara, I just saw this post now. I wanna say ‘superb’. I always thought of it this way. For me, there is no difference between self love and loving ‘others’. After all ‘others’ are just a figment of your (soul) own imagination, then how can you share any form of energy within this ‘illusion’ when you have none. First cultivate it within yourself. Love everything about ‘you’. Nourish this energy, enrich it as much as you can before sending it out within this abundance around us! Beautiful stuff, Barbara! Sorry I saw this late!
  • Barbara Hofmeister There is no such thing as late Bala as long as we keep sharing. Keep it coming please
  • WOMENSRECREATION.COM Barbara, there is nothing wrong with Self-love. You have to have it in order to maintain balance. You can’t just keep giving of yourself, there would be nothing left. You have to love yourself first and then others. It is the selfish people that try and attach a guilt trip with it.
  • Teresa Caliendo I personaly think that unless a person has self love, he or she, can not be whole, and can not have the feeling of self worth! We need to walk with our head held high and self love, leads to pride in one’s self!
  • Barbara Thank you, Teresa!! This is so very true! Unfortunately many do not have self love. How can we re-discover it?
  • WOMENSRECREATION.COM Aloneness, rediscovering ourselves, going within. Taking time for ourselves, doing the things that make us happy.
  • Lydia Proschinger Much of it is unlearning of old script, and reintroducing the emotional vibration of self-love by realizing that you are a magnificent human being, a dear child of God and unique. “Being YOU means there is no other with the same thoughts, the same voice, the same feelings, the same DNA. You are unique, and that is how you perceive your world. Just like everyone else, your pair of eyes sees what you want to see.This makes you special and equal to all others who all have this intrinsic freedom also. We all are as unique as you. The fact that we all live together and die alone eventually makes us all the same, dependent on taking a new breath every sparkling NOW of the day, an oxygenesis in co-creation. If we look more at the ONEderful beings we are, we would never have a reason to feel alone or misunderstood.” (this quote is from a note I wrote this morning).
  • Roxanne Riedeman How can you help an “other person” the only way is to show them…you dont need words …although i believe we are still in 3d and therefor the spoken word is verry important…Metaphors, Songs, Poetry, Positive Coaching….if every one focus on themselfe to keep the energy high and clean the whole world can be transformd in Love in a heartbeat???
  • Tami Principe You can re-discover unconditional self love by knowing exactly who you are. Self love starts from the inside, it means understanding the good and the bad, and dealing with all the emotions, fears etc. To unconditionally love yourself. Facing all issues that you may not want to face. Allowing yourself the freedom to feel it.

    Barbara Hofmeister that’s great Tami. Thanks. We need to accept our imperfections as part of an exciting and versatile life
  • WOMENSRECREATION.COM …meditation,and the art of breathing alone can do wonders!

Anchor your Confidence

Unless we fully believe in ourself we will never be able to live our full potential; we will never go full out to achieve our dreams – because we don’t really believe we can. Way too many of us have low belief in themselves and in the next few posts I will share several tips how you can build up confidence and belief in yourself.

, , , , , ,

Trade in who you’ve been for who you must become…

Too many people give up digging three feet from their goldmine. That is the wrong way to do it. Because once you are sure what it is you want, you need to keep moving (in the right direction please).

The important thing is that you need to have your dreams and goals in front of your inner eye and if you continue to walk towards it – step by small step – success will come to pass as long as you don’t give up along the way. If you stop, you lose.

Adopt the attitude that eventually you will succeed and success will not be denied. As long as you stick to your dreams, challenges will be overcome. Actually, I believe obstacles show up to help us become more resilient.

Les Brown says it best: “You must trade in who you’ve been for who you must become” Isn’t that a profound statement? Think about it. Now look into your future and be brutally honest with yourself. What type of person must you be in the future in order to truly become who you desire to be?

What qualities and characteristics does that person possess that you do not have yet?

What do you particularly like about the person you want to become?

Look at the differences and diagnose them to see what changes you have to make to become the ultimate you? Completing this exercise can be very eye-opening.

An important thing you will discover is that you will win once you believe that you can.  Success requires a different mindset than most people have. A big part of that mindset is developing a never give up mentality. It is possible for you to complete each task you begin with that mentality. Giving up robs you of the joy that’s sure to come as you check off tasks that you’ve completed on route to your goal.

Remember the words of Jack Canfield: “You deserve to have your life exactly the way you want it.” I believe that quote with everything within me. The challenge is to believe the quote and realize that it may take a year, or two, or three for your life to be exactly as planned. The question is do you give up along the way? I have confidence in you that you will make it through to the end.

Self Esteem comes from your Esteeming SELF

Self Esteem should be easy, shouldn’t it? After all, all it is, is esteeming ourselves…

What can be so difficult about that?

Let me tell you the story of one of my clients. Let’s call her Jenny. Jenny was so good at beating herself up that even I was amazed (and I used to be pretty good at it myself).  She would always find someone that was better than her. For instance she went to the gym and who did she compare herself with, the superstar there, with the one girl that had the “perfect” body. No, she was not as good as that! She was not good enough!

At the same time there were dozens of women in the gym who were nowhere near as fit and shaply as she was – but Jenny could only see the one that was.

At work she would find fault with herself just because someone seemed to ignore her. She expected them not to have respect for her and they oblidged her.

Whenever her boyfriend as much as glanced at another woman, she paniced because SHE WAS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH. She “knew” he would leave her, which eventually he did.

Where did this feeling come from? From her childhood when her elder brother always was allowed more, when her elder brother always beat her at every game, when her elder brother always could do more than she could. But isn’t that natural, when you are 3 years younger an a girl? She didn’t see it like that. She only saw that she wasn’t good enough. She thought she could not live up to her Dad’s expectations (expectations he probably never had) and she continued to see it that way until she came to me.

There is nothing worse than beating yourself up and many of us are really good at it. We mull over what we might have done or said that was wrong or what we could have done better. We must be at fault if someone doesn’t call or email as often as they used to. We look at the fault in ourself for everything that is happening. We walk with our head bend low and wonder why we continuously bump into people and need to appologize (which again affirms that we are stupid, not smart, not good enough…)

You see, we cannot change the past but we can change the NOW

I keep repeating that because it is the only time we have influence over – the NOW – this moment in time.

Whatever we do NOW can change our past because as soon as we release all the pain and negative emotions, which we have from our interpretation of past experiences, life changes. It is that easy. You can use NLP to help you, you can use EFT to release and affirm more empowering beliefs, you can use Hypnosis, you can use Radical Forgiveness by Tipping or you can write a journal and work through it consiciously but work through it you MUST.

Stop beating yourself up. Love the divine presence that is within you! Learn to love yourself unconditionally. Your parents and grandparents did the best they could with the resources they had. That dreadful teacher, that always made you feel really stupid, is probably long gone and who cares today anyway?  You are an adult now and can make your own decisions.

What keeps you in the emotion of “feeling small” is your inner voice, your inner self talk, your old conditioning and only YOU CAN CHANGE THAT!

Learn to come from a higher place by loving the divine within you. Let everything that comes from you and through you come with love and respect. Only when you love yourself can you truly share love with others.

You see that is the vicious cycle. If we think we are stupid, not good enough, not slim enough, not pretty enough it is like a self fulfilling prophecy. We ourselves make it happen!!! It’s all those negative emotions that have pilled up until they formed a clear but unfortunattely negative belief “You are not good enough” and that is what we project out into the world. STOP DOING THAT!!!

Remember, you are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t save the world…

To be continued…

Margret Thatcher of Personal Development?!

I had a long, soul searching talk with a good friend not too long ago because I was feeling a little down and said stuff like “I don’t think I could do that. I am not charismatic like him”. She pretended to fall off her chair because she saw it very differently and told me off in her usual brisk manner. “You play in the league of Margret Thatcher or higher” she said to me. Oops, the iron lady… That is how she sees me?

I know I can be tough but that tough? “No, Barbara. I am not talking about being tough. I am talking about you being powerful like the iron lady and maybe even more! You are one of the most powerful and charismatic people I have ever met…”

WOW, that really blew me away. I was choking down my emotions and thought of all the other people who have told me that in the past. I had heard it but never really believed it because I did not really believe in myself.  No matter what people said to me, I had my own picture of myself and that was neither powerful nor empowering.

Where did that come from? It came from the extremely high expectations my father has had on himself and of course also on his only offspring. He wanted a boy but I came out as a girl. That didn’t stop him expecting me to do the same a boy would  and because I wanted him to love me, I obliged. I climbed trees, ripped my clothes, thought dolls were stupid and so on. I became tough and what I thought a boy should be like. But my Dad never seemed satisfied. Somehow I seemed never good enough. Somehow whatever I did was not enough. He beat me up a lot, shut me into a black hole under the staircase and no matter how loud I screamed, he made me stay there. At the same time he loved me to bits (when he was in a good mood). So I went from feeling cherished to feling like a doormat and that continued through most of my life. I gave men a lot of power trying to please them but at the same time trying to show that I am “one of them”. It didn’t work and destroyed my self-esteem more and more.

Fortunately that has changed but that is for another day.

I am sharing these painful experiences because I want you to become aware that how you feel about yourself today – as an adult – usually stems from your childhood and you keep repeating the same patterns that you have learned from those days but fact is, today you have a choice! You can decide how you think and feel about yourself. It is your choice!

Take your Self Esteem Inventory

Self Confidence… that comfortable freedom to simply be yourself – absolutely certain that is more than good enough! A strong, healthy confidence is a warm reassuring feeling that in this life you can achieve pretty much all you want! The feeling that you can do whatever necessary to achieve your personal dreams!

Unfortunately most of us don’t have this strong belief in ourselves and our abilities. We have been mystified, one time or another and some very often, with conflicting beliefs. Maybe, when you were a child, some ‘authority’ figure ridiculed, embarrassed or scolded you. And you took that criticism too much to heart, as children tend to do because of their admiration of the adults around them they love.

You might even have heard your parents, grandparents or teachers say things like:
“You’re not good enough” or “You’re not smart enough” – maybe even, “You’ll never be able to…” or “You’ll never amount to anything.” These types of remarks coming from people we look up to can be very destructive for our self esteem.

It is not important how unreliable the source might have been or how misconceived the disparaging remarks were, they may still be making you feel a lack of confidence and low self-esteem today.

Furthermore, discouraging words spoken many years ago might lead you to find fault with many things you do and be overly critical with yourself.

Enough is enough!!!

Get yourself a journal and start each day by writing your strength, achievements and blessings down. You will be surprised how much you can come up with even though it might feel a little awkward at first. Concentrate purely on what works and leave the things that went wrong – now or in the past – behind.

The past is gone and cannot be changed. The future will come – whether we keep our disempowering beliefs or not. Today – NOW is the only time we can make a change and we can do that by starting to build our self esteem inventory!

Start NOW by writing at least 5 strength and achievements in your life down and then go out and get a journal so you can fill it in each day with a minimum of 3 of your personal blessings!

Give yourself the time. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Barbara Hofmeister

www.trainingvisions.com

Sign in for my FREE weekly Insight – Inspirational Sessions and practical Tips for a great(er) YOU
© Copyright 2006, TrainingVisions. All rights reserved.
PS.: You may share this article with your friends and associates as long as you don’t change it and keep the signature intact.

Welcome to my Terrace

Welcome to my Breakfast Terrace!For many years I have moved around the world changing location for business or personal reasons. In 2001 I choose to live in beautiful Marbella in Southern Spain and run my Personal Development Program from my home office overlooking the Golf Valley and Marbella’s Magic Mountain “La Concha”.

Who am I and why should that interest YOU?

My name is Barbara Hofmeister and I consider myself to be a happy and free spirited human being. So what, you might say. Well, maybe I can help you make more out of your life. Would that interest you?

Years ago I noticed that even small obstacles can stop us from going after our dreams. We get stuck in bad relationships, jobs we hate or places that are no good for us. But even though our lives are miserable we still stick with it because it is what we know and where we feel secure. We don’t dare leave our comfort zone! Isn’t that crazy in itself?

Do you remember when you were young and had all those big dreams?

You were sure you could actually reach them, weren’t you? Wasn’t that a great feeling?

But do you still feel like that now?

Most adults don’t because over the years life gets in the way and suddenly there seem to be more obligations than dreams.

And exactly here is where I step in. I help you get your dreams back! I help you regain that belief in yourself, the confidence you had when you were young.

After years of trial and error I found practical ways to overcome those fears, self-doubts and self- or society inflicted boundaries most of us nourish. The results we get are incredible because once you make the choice to be YOU – the real you – it really sets you free and releases your true potential. Even your well meaning relatives won’t be able to stop you anymore. -.)

Dare to dream big dreams again and even more important – dare to make your dreams come true. You deserve it! You deserve to reach your full potential and live in abundance as the universe had always planned for you. The only reason (and this might at first be difficult to believe) why we live mediocre or even miserable lives is our own belief system; our limiting self talk and following self doubts but – and this is the good news – we can change that and bring out what truly lies within us.

In his Inauguration speech Nelson Mandela said: “We are powerful beyond measure. It is not our darkness but our light that most frightens us. We ask yourselves: Who am I…”

With the “To be or not to be – the Choice is YOURS!” Personal Development System you will realize that you always have the freedom of choice to choose that power. Whether you will use it or not is of course entirely up to you. Nobody can make this decision for you – only you hold that power.

Ask yourself this question: What will my life look like 5 years, 10 years and 20 years from now if I continue as I am now?

If your honest answer to the above question is not putting a wide smile on your face and a warm feeling into your tummy, it might be a good idea to change some things.

Do you honestly think you have reached your peak; you are the best, the happiest, healthiest or even wealthiest you will ever be? Or are you willing to grow and become who you are meant to be? The Choice truly is YOURS!

Whenever you are ready, visit me. I will be waiting for you.

Abundant Blessings,

Barbara Hofmeister

http://www.trainingvisions.com

Creating a better world – one dream, one vision at a time!

Order the FREE weekly “Insight” and your Success Cycle Manual