Integrate the lessons

On my last trip to London they actually upgraded me to business class on the way back. I thought that was nice of the universe -.) and of British Airways! Something else to be grateful for.

I went to London solely to attend a seminar on NLP and Time Line Therapy. The 2 days were extemely interesting and once more I learned a lot about myself but one of the most interesting conversations I had there were during the break on Sunday with Daniel, a young man I had met at the Self-development Expo a few months earlier.

Daniel asked whether I was going to another event Andy Harrington was doing a couple of weeks later and I said “No, not this time. Why do you ask?” I loved his answer because he said what I thought but had never formulated before.

Here it is: “There are many people who go to the same events again and again. I love going to seminars but I don’t book another one until I have integrated at least one thing I learned at the last one. If I don’t really put what I learn into action there seems to be no point in going.”Isn’t that a wise choice? Thanks Daniel for saying it so eloquently.

I have a friend who did the whole Tony Robbins curriculum including Fidji followed by some heavy doses of NLP but we can’t see any real changes in her. While another friend who has gone to only one Tony Robbins and to one NLP Training has put everything she learned to work and is now making a name for herself as a speech trainer.

These seminars, workshops and books work but only if we use what we learn. When I see this type of change and improvement in one of my “To be” members it makes me feel really proud like a parent when their kids have achieved something. That is what my work is all about. Helping people improve and change their life for the better. Could there be any better?

Love your life and it will love you back!


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Get the FREE Success Cycle Workbook

This video was made during some success seminars I did in Ukraine. I loved going there because the people are absolutely amazing. So keen to learn and improve their life. I love you guys!!!

I would like to send you my FREE Success Cycle workbook. In it you will find several great techniques that will keep you motivated even when the going gets tough. Just sign up in the box on

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Don’t let anger waste your energy

Anger is something that can control our lifes. If we tend to get upset easily we better learn how to control that anger instead of letting it control us.

Did you know that you use 8-10 times more energy when being angry?

I read this in a medical article but I also know it to be true from my own experiences. Each time I got really upset about something I was completely exhausted afterwards. My father was a very explosive man and I was pretty bad myself when I was young but because one can be very unjust and hurtful in anger I learned to control my outbursts.

I was just chatting in the uncommon forum with a girl who got so angry that she beat up her boyfriend and as a consequence he left her. This is not the first time I hear stuff like that so I will share some of my advice with you.

“…Sounds like you really freaked out and lost the person you loved in consequence. The pain you feel can be very helpful for you to learn an important lesson because scientists have found out that we only change if the pain or the joy we feel is strong enough. In NLP they call it anchoring. Anchor the pain of this loss to something like the snap of your fingers or touching your heart or whatever gesture comes to your mind.

First put yourself into the situation again and add the actual punch, the hurt in your partners eyes etc. until you start feeling how you must have felt after punching him or after realising that he is leaving you because of your violence. Go as deep into the pain as you can and associate a gesture with it. Now each time you feel anger coming up repeat that gesture to feel the consequences. You might need to practise it a few times but this works 100 %.

If that is not enough try time line therapy. Imagine yourself in a moment of anger than leave your body and float above it and watch yourself. Float higher so you can see more of your life line (time line) and look into your future. How will it be if you continue like this?

Now go higher and go back in time to when you were small. When was the first time you felt anger, violence like that? Put yourself in that moment again and watch it from above. Now float back further until you are 15 Minutes before you felt that very first anger. In this moment you were still anger free and can make a decision to not want anger in your life. It’s not worth it…

What you decide here depends very much on you but if done properly you will be anger and violence free. If you can’t do this by yourself find a good hypno-therapist who works with this method. It is fast and very efficient.

I also suggest you stop drinking alcohol or at least drink less. After each drink have at least one glass of water and eat well if you intend to have a drink.

When you feel your anger coming take some slow deep breath into your tummy and count until 10 before reacting. That helps immediately.

All of these methods work IF you use them! Just reading about them will do nothing.

It would be nice if you could let me know what helps you best.

To an anger free life with plenty of Love

Do you want to move forward faster? Then register NOW in the TrainingVisions mentoring program.

Cure Depression and Self Sabotage

This video shows you a full intervention Tony Robbins did with a lady that suffered from depression and self-sabotage. It goes through the whole process.

I am sorry that I cannot embed the video here. In this case I just don’t know how to do it. Just follow the link. It is well worth it.

Cure Depression and lead a happy, fulfilled Life

Let go of negative emotions with EFT

Did you really chose your life problems?

This video demonstrates how you can release past experience and negative emotions and let go of them forever. EFT is an incredibly easy and effective way to releasing past stuff that does not serve you anymore in the NOW.

Remember, the only time you can change anything is NOW. You cannot change the past and you don’t know what the future will bring but you can and o influence the now (which can get rid of past hurts and create a better future).

EFT tapping ( emotional freedom technique ) is a 100% naturally effective technique which can help us with ANYTHING we want to release and also with those things we want to affirm.

Listen to Robert’s acronym of F.E.A.R. = Feelings Emerging Affecting Reality

People and their behaviors

Another presupposition of NLP is that people are not their behavior.

And I think it is one of the best things to pre-suppose because it means that the person and their behavior are 2 separate things. Whatever the behavior of a person might be, it is not who they are. They are much, much more than that.  Therefore we can accept the person even tough we might not like their behavior.

So the next time you think “he is a jerk”, think again as that is a label for his behavior, not for the person he really is. Behavior can be changed and NLP will help you change it.

Another presupposition of NLP is: The meaning of all behavior is dependant upon the context it exists in.

If we change the context of the behavior everything changes. We also call that re-framing. Imagine a mother screaming at her small child in a super-market. Most would not find that appropriate and think little of the mother but if that child would try to run across a busy intersection, the mother calling it back at the top of her voice would get a totally different meaning, wouldn’t it?

Another presupposition around behavior is: All behavior has a positive intention

This is one of those presuppositions that is often discussed as being controversial because some people’s behavior can only be called obnoxious.  It does not mean that the behaviour of someone is the best possible from your point of view. Nor does it mean that the behaviour will have positive benefits for anyone else but when I believe that all behavior has a good intention, it does make me feel better.

A classic example would be bullying. Usually that starts with the insecurity of the person who bullys someone. Their intention is to strengthen their own belief in themselves. They gain re-assurance from hitting on other, thinking if they make someone else feel small they seem big.  The solution to this kind of inappropriate behaviour is to find another way to give the person re-assurance so he does no longer need to bully anyone to get it.

I hope you are starting to see why the philosophy of NLP is very inspiring and empowering.

Be well


Everyone has a unique Model of the World

There are 17 presuppostions of NLP.

One of them is: Everyone has a unique Model of the World

That means each of us sees the world their own way – filtered through our experience, the upbringing, the education we have had and our interpretation of all these things. Plus everything is influenced by the emotional state we were in when we first experienced it and again in the moment we experience it now.  I will go into more details about how that works and why in a later post.

Fact is, we all live in our own little universe and what is right for us can be totally wrong in someone else’s model of the world. And that brings us to the next pre-supposition

Respect other People’s Model of the World

I don’t think that needs much explaination. If we want other’s to respect us, we also have to respect them and their “particular” ways of thinking and doing things even if they might seem “weird” or illogical to us.

Why Perception is Projection?

We talked about being the cause of what is happening in our life.  Today we will talk about the second principal of NLP and that is

Perception is Projection

meaning we see things not as they are, but as we are.

Sounds confusing? I will attempt to enlighten you…

Maybe the easiest way is to look at the filtering process of generalisation. We have been taught what a window is supposed to look like so anytime we see a transparent wall with a frame around it, we call it a window even though it might have a totally different shape or function.

So the next time we see another window, rather than re-learning the concept and it’s function afresh, we refer to the understanding we had earlier and project that understanding onto this new object by calling it again a window. Thus we believe this new window is just like the first window in our experience with the same properties and that it will behave in exactly the same way.

With something as simple as an object this process generally works pretty well for us. People however are much more complex than windows or doors and our perceptions of them can be totally off as we have a very biased view = we project our perception.

Let me try it another way also because this NLP principal can be confusing.

Our thoughts are our personal internal representations of all events filtered through our background and experiences (and many other things like the above mentioned generalisations). As a result you perceive the outer world (our so called reality) through your filters which will grossly delete, distort and generalize the true event.  Therefore perception is projection as you can’t see anything in others that you don’t have in yourself.

I hope I was able to clarify what perception is projection means and why it can totally change your outlook to life.

Anyway, not to worry, this is about as theoretical as I will ever get.

Take the next step

The other day I was talking to my friend John who is a very successful NLP trainer and coach. I asked him if he had any words of wisdom for my readers about overcoming fear and taking action.

He reminded me that inaction is a symptom of fear. Predominantly a fear of failure. He said that often times we are not clear in our desires to succeed. That is, deep down we can’t believe that we can be successful and therefore we take no action.

How do we get rid of this fear I asked John eagerly. Isn’t it what stops most of us moving towards our dreams?

“Look inward”, he said “Find in yourself those limiting beliefs that are causing you doubt. In doing this know that you are a unique and special person with knowledge, traits and perspective that ONLY you have and as soon as you believe in yourself and use your unique skills you will succeed.”

As long as you are afraid to take the next step in pursuit of your dreams you are inactive. Things go stale and you move away from what you want so take a careful self assesment and add up all the things that make you unique and understand that it is exactly this uniqueness that will help you reach your goals.

Dare and jump

To your unlimited success

Barbara Hofmeister

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