Why we all need strong Confidence

When you think about Confidence, what do you think of first? Is Confidence really important?

Until only a few years ago I was a fairly shy, introverted female – always driven to succeed but never

Speaking to 600 people about how to make your dreams come true

Speaking to 600 people about how to make your dreams come true

really succeeding. The reason was my lack of confidence and self esteem. In my eyes most people were better. I was never good enough and drove myself to study further, to work more but however much I did it never felt enough.

Have you ever have disempowering thoughts like that?

What do thoughts like that do to you? They stop you – they stop you to really achieve your dreams. They stop you to let your true light shine through. They stop you from living your true potential.

Less than a month ago I was speaking at a large conference in Sweden.I was really well prepared, the technician knew what to do – everything seemed perfectly arranged. But things rarely go that smoothly. The speaker before me ran overtime, the technician had not even started the laptop as had been pre-arranged; the recording equipment did not work…

The room filled up while we were fiddling about with the equipment and I hate it when a speaker is not ready for his audience. They lose me there and then and in this case I was the one not ready – arrgh! The introducer stumbled through my introduction in such an uninspiring way that I was happy when he was done and just as the technician finally managed to get my presentation on the screen the computer shut down again.

Armageddon in my head. All the preparation for this moment had gone up in smoke. Inwardly I was between fuming and crying but then I took a decision.I decided to start no matter what, knowing that I am strong, knowing that I am good enough to get my points across without any technical equipment. In that moment I stood tall and spoke from the depth of my soul aware that the audience deserved to see me at my BEST. And they did.

Would this have happened 10 years ago I would have been too upset to concentrate on the need of my audience. Why? Because I would have beaten myself up for everything that was happening. I would also have been very angry with the technician for not making sure everything worked as needed. I would have found fault.

What would the result have been? At best a mediocre presentation because audience can feel where you stand. If you are inside or in this case beside yourself they will not appreciate you because you do not appreciate them. Being able to consciously take a deep breath and step out of chaos into the feeling of calm confidence has changed my life enormously and it will change yours too.

 Today I know who I am and that knowledge gives me a strong confidence and healthy self-esteem. In how many chaotic situations do you make the empowering decision over the disempowering one? The decision to stand tall and give your best overcoming any chaos or challenge because you know who you are? Because you are centered within yourself? Because you have belief in yourself! Because you KNOW for a fact that you are strong enough to overcome anything!

Belief creates facts so start believing in yourself in order to create those facts you have always wanted in your life.

Life let’s you only get as far as your confidence permits. That is a proven fact you can see all around you. Nobody applies for a higher position unless they are confident that they can fill it. Nobody starts their own business unless they are confident in making it a success. Nobody flirts with someone they are attracted to unless they believe they have a chance.

I could give you hundreds of examples but for now let this be enough. Widen your boundaries, overcome your fears and doubts and consciously build your confidence every single day. Dare to do things you have never dared before because that will give you plenty of opportunities to stand tall to show the world (and yourself) who you are.

To your success

Barbara Hofmeister

www.thetobebook.com

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Anchor your Confidence

Unless we fully believe in ourself we will never be able to live our full potential; we will never go full out to achieve our dreams – because we don’t really believe we can. Way too many of us have low belief in themselves and in the next few posts I will share several tips how you can build up confidence and belief in yourself.

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Does Change challenge you?

Yesterday I asked you to get the TO BE book.

Why?

Because I know change can be challenging – but without change there can be no progress and without progress, the process of life comes to a stop and it becomes dull and boring.  You are moving back instead of forward.

If you want a better life, if you want to achieve your goals, if you want to live your dreams and enjoy success, happiness, and a high level of confidence, you need to begin by training your mind to send the right messages to your subconscious.  The best way to do that is first to become crystal clear on what you want and how you want it. Your  subconscious then gets clear signals it can act upon.

Why is that so important? Because 95-98% of our thoughts are unconscious and we need to learn to direct them in the direction we truly want to go by focusing only on the desired outcome and not on the challenges.

If you learn how to do this on a consistant basis change will happen in the most amazing ways.

We talked about this before. The problem is that most people focus on their problems and challenges and not on the outcome they desire.

You subconscious simply responds to your thoughts and beliefs and if they are contrary to what you want (thinking about what is not working in your life), this is what you create.

5 winning beliefs to achieve anything – continued…

There are five basic elements to reach any outcome you want:

  1. YOU
  2. Your plan,
  3. Your actions and behaviors,
  4. Your path and
  5. The outcome itself.

If you develop a winning belief for each element it will empower you to achieve anything you want out of life.

If you’re not happy with the results you are getting, you need to change your belief system. Remember what Einstein said: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

Instead consider the following questions.

  • What else do I have to know, believe or do in order to be more confident?
  • Second, do I have a mentor that can help me change this particular belief?
  • Third, what advice or message would my mentor give to me?

In doing that for each of the five core beliefs to attaining any goal, you will build a high level of self-confidence. Your winning beliefs will give you more self-esteem and a feeling of self-worth and soon you will truly become unstoppable.

If you believe it, you can achieve it!

Barbara Hofmeister

How to build High Self-Esteem

People with unstoppable confidence and unshakable belief in themselves don’t doubt that they are capable of anything. These people pursue their goals and persevere until they achieve them because they are confident that they can!

Without confidence, time passes and we stay stay stuck in our rigid comfort zones, seemingly unable to escape. This is the victim mentallity. “It’s not my fault”

Isn’t it time to let out the “Lion” in you???

As you are reading my blog, I know you don’t want to be a victim. You want to be a success in your life. Therefor in the next few posts I will give you several ways to build high self-confidence and belief.

Please, use these techniques because without belief in yourself, you will not get very far. Every obstacle will seem like an unsurmountable wall while for someone with high self-esteem and belief in their abilities, it is just another obstacle they will have to find a way to overcome or walk around.

I always say: “You will only get as far as your confidence let’s you”

So let’s start:

Clarify your values and set goals for yourself

Your values are your guiding forces that tell you what is “right and what is wrong”. They define for you what is important to you. Your values will determine things such as how you act within your family, community and culture, which decisions you make, how you behave, the habits you develop, the ideals you hold dear, the rules you live by and the goals you dream of achieving.

I have independence as one of my top values. When I joined Toastmasters in the year 2000 the club was new and I became it’s President but however much I tried, I could not get rid of the bitching and back stabbing that was going on behind the scenes so I decided to leave and start another club with a clear vision and objectives.

Before our first meeting I wrote it all down and passed my vision of the future club around for all interested parties to read. They loved my vision but the name Achievers caused some discussion as some thought it might put people in this resort area in Southern Spain off. I asked them if they want to have a positive learning environment or just another social club and in the poll  the name Achievers won.

This was 8 years ago. Since then the club is going from strength to strength. I have since moved to Germany and can’t participate but my dream, my vision lives on. The Achievers Toastmasters Club is one of the top 5 clubs in Europe and the members love every meeting and help and support each other. Why? Because  I had a clear vision, a clear objective, clear values of what the club will be like before I even started it.

The club that still lives my vision today

Before you start any new venture, make sure you know which outcome you want and then break that down into small, achievable steps always starting with the end result in mind. That is how I started the club, how I wrote my book, how I (and anybody else that achieves things) do almost anything in life. Especially as I am a pretty chaotic person and tend to jump from one idea to the next, it is necessary to have a clear vision of what I want to happen, no matter if it is a business venture, a relationship, or a leaner body.  The same works for you.

Let me know how you fare…

Try out new things that you have always wanted to do but never did like joining a choir, learn a new dance, join a drama group, go to Toastmasters, or learn about careers in which you may be interested. Your self-esteem and confidence will improve when you have a clear vision, a clear goal to work towards. 

To be continued…

Negative Self-Talk

Negavite Self-Talk – Most of the time we are not even aware that we are doing it.

Throughout the course of normal conversation, many of us use negative self-talk. While planning our goals and dreams we stop ourselves from even starting by saying things like “I can’t…” “I’m not good enough,” or “I could never do this” This and the subtle little things that we say while on conversational autopilot that eat away at our self-confidence.

How many times have you heard someone say things like “that was dumb of me”, “typical of me to put my foot in it”, “I am so stupid” etc. My mother used to say that all the time when things din’t work quite the way she wanted them to. She did not even realize she was calling herself stupid. Even though I used to ask her not to do it, she continued out of pure habit. Fact is her confidence was very low and that was not surprising. I love you Mom!

Sometimes the negative comments are disguised as humor. “I’m just a country pumpkin,” “Oh well, what do you expect from a dumb blonde,” or “I think my mom dropped me one too many times as a baby!” The fact that anyone should feel a need to make excuses for themselves means that they have low self-confidence.

It is a subtle and difficult pattern to break. Most people do it without noticing that they are even doing it. It is said with the same automatic reponse as the “Fine, thanks” that always follows a “How are you?”

Raise your self-esteem

Raise your self-esteem

To get rid of it I recommend that you ask someone to help you. For example, in the Toastmaster Clubs you will be told when you have used fillers like Um, Ah, soooooo, or ya’ know. Words that are not necessary to bring your content across but that you use to fill the nervous gaps. We do not know we are doing it until someone points it out to us. After awhile, the speakers begin to hear these fillers themselves and stop using them. It will work similar with your negative self-talk.

It’s simple but it’s not easy. Offer to help a friend to overcome their automated negative comments by playing the same game with them. If they are guilty of saying a particular derogatory statement repeatedly, offer to help them to break the pattern. If you can admit to yourself that you are one of those people who say negative things about yourself or to yourself without even really thinking about it, then ask someone to help you. You would be amazed at how quickly you can stop the behavior if someone will just make you take notice. Self-awareness is the key to ending negative self-talk.

In case you are too embarrassed to ask for help, or you do not have anyone that you would trust enough to help you, you will have to make a huge effort to become more aware of the words you speak to yourself or during casual conversation. It is much more difficult, but still do-able.

Imagine that the negative statements are cuss words. You would not want to throw those kind of words around your boss, your grandma or worse, around children, would you?  Attach the same ‘No way!’ attitude to those negative self-talk statements. Start really listening to yourself. You will soon find out that you beat yourself up frequently for no reason whatsoever. So when you catch yourself rattling off these negative statements, just take notice and make a promise to yourself that you will stop. Keep noticing, until you do stop.

An even more effective way to stop negative self talk is to put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever these negative thoughts come up. That’s the fastest way to get rid of negative, disempowering thoughts and words.

Happy talking

Barbara Hofmeister

www.trainingvisions.com

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Take your Self Esteem Inventory

Self Confidence… that comfortable freedom to simply be yourself – absolutely certain that is more than good enough! A strong, healthy confidence is a warm reassuring feeling that in this life you can achieve pretty much all you want! The feeling that you can do whatever necessary to achieve your personal dreams!

Unfortunately most of us don’t have this strong belief in ourselves and our abilities. We have been mystified, one time or another and some very often, with conflicting beliefs. Maybe, when you were a child, some ‘authority’ figure ridiculed, embarrassed or scolded you. And you took that criticism too much to heart, as children tend to do because of their admiration of the adults around them they love.

You might even have heard your parents, grandparents or teachers say things like:
“You’re not good enough” or “You’re not smart enough” – maybe even, “You’ll never be able to…” or “You’ll never amount to anything.” These types of remarks coming from people we look up to can be very destructive for our self esteem.

It is not important how unreliable the source might have been or how misconceived the disparaging remarks were, they may still be making you feel a lack of confidence and low self-esteem today.

Furthermore, discouraging words spoken many years ago might lead you to find fault with many things you do and be overly critical with yourself.

Enough is enough!!!

Get yourself a journal and start each day by writing your strength, achievements and blessings down. You will be surprised how much you can come up with even though it might feel a little awkward at first. Concentrate purely on what works and leave the things that went wrong – now or in the past – behind.

The past is gone and cannot be changed. The future will come – whether we keep our disempowering beliefs or not. Today – NOW is the only time we can make a change and we can do that by starting to build our self esteem inventory!

Start NOW by writing at least 5 strength and achievements in your life down and then go out and get a journal so you can fill it in each day with a minimum of 3 of your personal blessings!

Give yourself the time. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Barbara Hofmeister

www.trainingvisions.com

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© Copyright 2006, TrainingVisions. All rights reserved.
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Confidence speaks

“I could never do that”

“I’m just not confident enough”

Have you ever heard anyone saysomething like this? You wouldn’t say it yourself, would you?

You see it is pretty powerful when you make a statement like that. So many people linguistically define themselves to the world; they give themselves no option to be anything else. They actually delete the opportunity to be anything else.

If you repeatedly tell yourself and others that you are…

Not confident…

No good at …

and that you can’t do this or that…

You make that a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Don’t let that happen to you!

Too many people view the future through their past! It is certainly not the best way to do things, looking backwards. Because you have been a certain way before you do not have to continue to be that way for the rest of your days, do you? Because if you do the result is that you become trapped in a perpetuating cycle; with a sense of unfulfilling fear or lack of confidence to show for it. Not much of a way to go, I’m sure you’ll agree?

Wouldn’t it be nice to ooze with confidence in whatever you do? Even if you are one of those people that can’t bear the thought of meeting new people without being properly introduced. Even if you are a nervous wreck when it comes to giving a speech in public. Believe me when I tell you that all of this can be changed. Naturally something that has taken so long to be like it is today will not change overnight but it is within your power to change it.

But let’s first look at where this lack of confidence comes from. We can compare your unconscious mind with a computer. Throughout your entire life it has been programmed; programmed with all your experiences, your relationships, your interpretations of what you see around you, and influences from family, teachers and others. All of this has culminated in your “mind computer”.

Your unconscious mind is the seat of your emotions which come from your beliefs and consequently create your behaviours. A great way to re-program your unconscious mind is to give it new, more empowering experiences.

According to surveys public speaking is the No. 1 fear even before the fear of dying. I don’t know if this is true but it can be quite scary and I have seen people stand in front of a group with loudly knocking knees and quivering voice. I have also seen the same people stand tall giving a great presentation only a short time later.

You see the secret is to overcome what you fear and if you can tackle the No. 1 fear first the rest will tumble like the stones on domino day and you can step “out of the ashes” into your true confident self.

after a while it becomes easy

after a while it becomes easy

I have gone through this experience myself

. The first time I had to speak in front of a group I drowned 2 brandies and it was only 9 am. Today I am actually looking forward to speak in public. It gives me a buzz. Of course I am still nervous but the excitement and satisfaction I get out of it is much bigger than anything else I might feel and the confidence I got out of overcoming this handicap is absolutely enormous.

That is why I am teaching other people to do the same. If I can stand tall so can you and if you are ready, I am here to help you.

Confidence is a must in such a result oriented world. Get your confidence boost now by taking up speech coaching immediately.

Talk to you soon

Barbara


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