Is self-love selfish?

This is a question I would like you, my readers, to answer. Here is what some of you have said so far:

  • Robin Green I think there is a saying… In order to be loved, one has to love oneself.
  • Damien Thomas I don’t think it is selfish. I think self-love is to have a strong sense of respect for and confidence in oneself.
  • Moni Ka To love yourself is like to love a little part of God living in you. Since God is unconditional love, everything with this feeling cant be selfish.
  • Barbara Hofmeister Thanks. I totally agree with all 3 of you. Self love is essential. If we can see and respect the uniqueness in us, we might feel the unconditional love we are meant to feel. Keep the comments coming please. I am working on a new workshop with this title and need lots of ideas, techniques etc.
  • Tami Roberts-Principe You cannot constantly give to others without rejuvenating yourself. You have to love yourself first, and then others. It’s the selfish people that try to attach guilt to it.
  • Susan Jewett Reid Walsh I think if you are not giving love from a place of self-love overflowing, than there is a good chance your love is not pure and unconditional. You cannot give away what you don’t have – it’s just the way it is.
  • Barbara Hofmeister yes and way too many people do not feel unconditional self love. How would you help them discover it?
  • Victor Onochie Anumba You have to love yourself 2 love others.u can help them by letting know that they should appreciate God first & every other thing follows
  • Barbara Hofmeister A good point Victor. The question is how can I make them EXPERIENCE SELF LOVE? Just telling is not anywhere near enough
  • Lillian Ogbogoh You can’t give what you don’t have, if you don’t love you how can you love anyone else?
  • Victor Onochie Anumba Firstly,its team work, you need the help of a personal coach,it takes time,but you do need to convince them that people like them for who they are. Encourage them to interact with like minds. Finally they should consider Rebranding their personality. Remember Leaders are made not born. Cheers
  • Rebeca Orozco Self love is essential since you cannot give what you do not possess although it could also be a double edged sword. A perfect example is the story of Narcisus in Greek Mythology
  • Barbara Hofmeister Rebeca, unconditional self love has nothing to do with conceit (hope that is the right word). My experience with unconditional self love is love of ALL there is and narzism doesn’t have any room in that
  • Bala Padmanabhan
    Barbara, I just saw this post now. I wanna say ‘superb’. I always thought of it this way. For me, there is no difference between self love and loving ‘others’. After all ‘others’ are just a figment of your (soul) own imagination, then how can you share any form of energy within this ‘illusion’ when you have none. First cultivate it within yourself. Love everything about ‘you’. Nourish this energy, enrich it as much as you can before sending it out within this abundance around us! Beautiful stuff, Barbara! Sorry I saw this late!
  • Barbara Hofmeister There is no such thing as late Bala as long as we keep sharing. Keep it coming please
  • WOMENSRECREATION.COM Barbara, there is nothing wrong with Self-love. You have to have it in order to maintain balance. You can’t just keep giving of yourself, there would be nothing left. You have to love yourself first and then others. It is the selfish people that try and attach a guilt trip with it.
  • Teresa Caliendo I personaly think that unless a person has self love, he or she, can not be whole, and can not have the feeling of self worth! We need to walk with our head held high and self love, leads to pride in one’s self!
  • Barbara Thank you, Teresa!! This is so very true! Unfortunately many do not have self love. How can we re-discover it?
  • WOMENSRECREATION.COM Aloneness, rediscovering ourselves, going within. Taking time for ourselves, doing the things that make us happy.
  • Lydia Proschinger Much of it is unlearning of old script, and reintroducing the emotional vibration of self-love by realizing that you are a magnificent human being, a dear child of God and unique. “Being YOU means there is no other with the same thoughts, the same voice, the same feelings, the same DNA. You are unique, and that is how you perceive your world. Just like everyone else, your pair of eyes sees what you want to see.This makes you special and equal to all others who all have this intrinsic freedom also. We all are as unique as you. The fact that we all live together and die alone eventually makes us all the same, dependent on taking a new breath every sparkling NOW of the day, an oxygenesis in co-creation. If we look more at the ONEderful beings we are, we would never have a reason to feel alone or misunderstood.” (this quote is from a note I wrote this morning).
  • Roxanne Riedeman How can you help an “other person” the only way is to show them…you dont need words …although i believe we are still in 3d and therefor the spoken word is verry important…Metaphors, Songs, Poetry, Positive Coaching….if every one focus on themselfe to keep the energy high and clean the whole world can be transformd in Love in a heartbeat???
  • Tami Principe You can re-discover unconditional self love by knowing exactly who you are. Self love starts from the inside, it means understanding the good and the bad, and dealing with all the emotions, fears etc. To unconditionally love yourself. Facing all issues that you may not want to face. Allowing yourself the freedom to feel it.

    Barbara Hofmeister that’s great Tami. Thanks. We need to accept our imperfections as part of an exciting and versatile life
  • WOMENSRECREATION.COM …meditation,and the art of breathing alone can do wonders!

My ONEness Experience

Yesterday I shared Sperry’s ONEness experience that transformed his life. Today I want to share my own, my most recent one. I will do that in a video and hope I can convey some of the deep love and connectedness I felt.

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Love is where Peace is

We are so used to blame, to look for the fault outside of ourself. It’s our spouses fault, our children’s, friends, family members, our boss’s, colleagues, societies, the politicians… but never ours.

But living a fulfilled life can never be based on faulting – not yourself and even less others.

Living a happy, fulfilled life has to be based on love – unconditional love – for self and with that for others. If you can love yourself unconditionally you will automatically be able to also love those around you (even the politicians 🙂

That does not mean you are always in agreement with their behavior but because you feel love unconditionally, you will be able to respect them and accept their shortcomings like you will accept yours.

When you live in love, unconditional love, you will live in peace

and that love and peace will spread.

Remember, world peace starts with one – with you (and with me).

All in Love


God hugged me

“Knowing others is wisdom,

knowing yourself is Enlightenment.” – Lao Tzu

About 2 weeks ago I returned from an incredible workshop called “Enlightened Warrior Camp” in Malaysia. Actually it was much, much more than a workshop. It was a real life experience and a very amazing one at that.

We learned so much about ourselves; about who we truly are and about what has been holding us back – until now.

Lao Tzu was right. Knowing yourself bring you power and enlightenment.

During our 5 day camp experience we learned about our self-set boundaries and limitations and how to overcome them. We learned that we can do and are much, much more than we ever thought possible.

One person in my group was pysically handicapped and never walked further than a few yards but during one of our experience he walked for miles on soft sand in the heat.

The camp was hard – for me physically and for others mentally – but one could watch as we each opened our hearts and our souls in order to become a true team of over-achievers – of truly enlightened warriors. It was wonderful how we connected from heart to heart while finding and using our true powers.

For the first time in my life I felt totally unconditional love for myself. Not only acceptance and appreciation; no truly unconditional love and respect for self and for all life. I felt the power and choices I have in every cell of my body. It was the most incredible and most beautiful feeling. As if God had hugged me and told me “I love you Barbara”. And to tell you the truth, I think he did.

I cannot share what we did to create these breakthroughs and of course I will honor that commitment because telling you would not do anything, you will need to experience it. So if you ever want to really break through your limitations do join the Enlightened Warrior Camp as soon as you can.

What is our essence?

This is a very personal post so if you are afraid of learning too much about my inner world, please do not read it.

During my 43-hour return journey from Malaysia I had mini-break-through after mini-breakthrough until, at one moment, I was flooded with LOVE – unconditional love, total love, nothing but love – for self and for everything and everyone around me.

I appologize if this sounds weird and not my usual down to earth style but it was the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt. For once I WAS COMPLETE! ALL WAS GOOD. ALL WAS AS IT SHOULD BE!

The aftermath of this feeling lasted for a couple of hours and everything looked clearer, more beautiful than normal. I fell in love – again – with my home country, with our efficiency, with my trip, with the experiences I had just made and – with myself!

Attention! This is important. I fell in love with myself.

I felt a very deep feeling of unconditional love for myself. Do you know that this is a FIRST? Isn’t that shocking? For the first time in my life I was flooded by UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for myself. A lovely voice said: “I love you Barbara” and I knew it to be true. Not intellectually but on a cellular level – I just KNEW it and felt it in every cell!

My God, this is a massiv breakthrough for me. 32 years of personal growth, of working on myself, on my self-esteem and confidence, and finally I knew there is nothing but LOVE that matters. When you have accepted that unconditional love for self, everything else falls into place. And the crazy thing is that it was always there, I just burried it under all the should do’s and must do’s of my life.

Love for self is all emcompassing. As soon as you feel that you have space for everything and everyone you want in your life. You are the creator. You are the one!