Attention or Abuse?

The following information is a SERIOUS MESSAGE to understand what is or isn’t healthy in a love relationship.

This message is essential in order to stop the abusive love patterns that are creating devastation to individuals, families and society as a whole.


What you think may be attention, and believe that the extreme behaviour is because he or she loves you and misses you, is in fact the DEADLY CALLING CARD of an insecure individual who is NOT healthy to have a relationship with, create a marriage with or have children with. Any individual who displays the behaviour explained below is likely to be sociopathic, narcissistic or psychopathic.

Love abuse from a narcissistic individual (see more details about narcissism here:

is the number one reason for PERSONAL DEMISE, and can create the destruction of everything that you thought your life to be.

Sadly many individuals who didn’t know what the warning signs were, and don’t yet know what IS OR ISN’T ABUSE continue to allow abuse to take place, and continue to suffer the terrible consequences.


Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to send you frequent questioning, abusive or needy texts / emails?

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to ring you numerous times a day – at home, on your mobile and at work before you had a chance or the desire to respond?

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to come around knocking on your front door at 3am?

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to say bad things about you on the Internet?

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to yell abuse when you don’t answer the door?

Is it okay for your ex’s new partner, or existing partner’s ex-partner to repeatedly ring and abuse you?

Is it okay for your partner or ex-partner to use abusive words, name call or threaten you.

NO IT IS NOT!!!!!!!!

This is NOT appropriate behaviour. This is inappropriate behaviour. This is harassment and abuse and it is NOT acceptable!


Many people, particularly women, accept this behaviour because they think it really isn’t too bad. We rationalise it by saying “It’s not really abuse, after all – he didn’t hit me – it wasn’t physical therefore it can’t be abuse.”

We rationalise it and say “I can cope with it.” We make excuses and allow the offender to keep harassing us.

And they do – and the texts and phone calls keep coming. The stalking, monitoring, interrogation, controlling and the abuse continues – UNTIL WE TAKE CONTROL AND PUT A STOP TO IT.

This behaviour is NOT CARING, it is NOT LOVING, and it is NOT FLATTERING!

This behaviour is DANGEROUS and it says: “I can treat you however I want – and you will allow it!”

By allowing such behaviour you are condoning abuse – and signing up for abuse on a much worse scale than what you may be experiencing NOW.

You are putting yourself and people you love at risk.


I plead with you NOT to make the mistake I did in thinking that these behaviours were loving, caring, and ‘sweet’ because I thought he loved me so much.

This thinking nearly led me to my DEATH, and the almost total DEVESTATION of everything I cared about in my life.

This thinking has DESTROYED more people than you could ever imagine.

It is IMPORTANT that you see this behaviour for what it is and say “No” To Abuse. It is your legal right to live peacefully and enjoy life without being harassed or controlled by anyone, whether it is your existing partner, ex partner or any other individual.


You DON’T have to experience physical abuse or physical threat in order for you to place an intervention order on ANY individual.

All you have to do is state: This person’s behaviour is disturbing me and upsetting my life! That’s it! PERIOD!

An Intervention Order will protect you from further harassment. It will stop the phone calls and the texts, it will stop the stalking, the bad language, accusations, name-calling, and put-downs.

It will STOP the mental and emotional anguish that is ripping yourself and your life apart.

An Intervention Order will give you back your control and power in this situation.

This is your powerful way to say: “NO! I DON’T DESERVE ABUSE!”

An Intervention Order is aimed at preventing future harassment and abuse. It may include an order that the abuser have no contact with you at all – whether by phone, texts, emails or in person. It may include an Order that the abuser is not allowed to come near where you live or work.

It is not a criminal offence for the abuser to have an Intervention Order against them, but the consequences if the abuser breaks the Order then may become a criminal offence.

In my experience I have seen countless previously abused individuals stand up, take out Intervention Orders and gain self-empowerment, sanity and relief as a result of implementing healthy boundaries to take care of themselves.

In the rare case that the abuser breaks the order, I have seen these people report the matter, have the Police deal with it swiftly and determinedly. In all cases that I have been privy to (as well as my own) the ABUSE ends!

Regardless of how scared you may be – living a life of fear is not a life and it is NOT ON!

By saying “No” to abuse you will not only create a life free of abuse for yourself, you will also become a wonderful example of self-respect to your peers, family, children and community.


Relationship abuse has only one purpose – to gain and maintain control of the victim. This victim will only be a victim IF THEY ALLOW IT!

By empowering yourself, you take back that power and you prevent the abuser from abusing you anymore.

An Intervention Order helps you get back that control. It says “No more” and that you MEAN IT!

If the matter is urgent, you can ring the Police on the emergency number for your country, province or state.

Otherwise you can go to your Local Court and ask the Magistrate for an Intervention Order, or you can ask the Police to assist you to obtain an Intervention Order at the Court.


This message is vital for many individuals – especially those who have never learnt (like my previous self) what is or isn’t abuse, and what our rights are.

Women especially need this message as do every generation of daughters. This information is not taught in schools.

This message is not just about educating individuals who are being abused, it is also about bringing the message to abusers and potential abusers that controlling and harassing behaviour is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Importantly this information is also vital as a preventive message for anyone who has not as yet been abused, but could be in the future.

HELP STOP ABUSE by forwarding this message to AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE

When forwarding this message, please be sure to include your personal message so that friends, family and contacts will open and read the message.

This message is from Melanie Tonia Evans: International Relationship Expert, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Expert, Author and Radio Host.